INTRO Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Am- Amir (interrupting): OW! I stubbed my toe! Jake: How? You weren't moving. Amir: Oh yeah! I'm fine. Amir: What are you doing, and don't say pooing. (laugh) I'm a poet and I didn't even know that I was one of them. Jake: You know, that sounded really planned out actually, and you still didn't get it right. Amir: Private, answer the captain's question! Jake: I'm filling out my world cup bracket. Amir: Oooh, very good, but a little too late. Jake: It's not too late, it starts this weekend. Amir: Yes. Oh, 2010 world cup. Jake: Yeah. Amir: Who ya got? Jake: I have U- Amir (interrupting): Who ya got? Jake: I'll tell you- Amir (interrupting): Who ya got, ya got, ya got shot (loud farting/shitting noise) Ohhh, no, excuse me Mr. Officer! Jake: Go to the bathroom. Amir: Stop yelling about it! Jake: I'm not yelling about it, you just screamed 'excuse me Mr. Officer' and you clearly shit your pants, so go to the bathroom. Amir: Why don't you be a little more loud about it, ok? I don't think everybody on the third floor heard you. Jake: We're on the third floor Amir: Who ya got? Jake: I got Spain. Go to the bathroom. Amir: You have Spain going to the bathroom? Jake: Y-yeah, no... Amir: Aha, Jake has Spain going to the bathroom! Patrick: What smells like shit? Amir: Oh, fuck me, Jake, you have to help me out. Cmon' they're onto us! Jake: They're on to you, I have nothing to do with this. Amir: Jake shit his pants! Amir: I'm so sorry, I owe you one. Jake: You shouldn't have called any attention to it, ok? Why don't you just say you farted Amir: I did fart, but then I shit, ok? I'm not going to lie about it. Jake: I don't understand why you haven't gone to the bathroom yet. Amir: Who ya got? Jake: You know who I got, I got Spain. Murph: Ah, yeah. Something definitely smells like shit. Amir: Oh sheesh y'all, 'tis a nightmare! Jake: You can still get out of this. Amir: Ok, just tell me what to do and I'll do it- Jake (talking over Amir): Go to the bathroom. Amir (talking over Jake): I swear I'll do it. Jake: Go to the bathroom- Amir (said as Jake repeats 'Go to the bathroom'): I swear I'll do it, just tell me what to do. Amir: (loud sharting sound) Uuuhhh, FML. Not once, big time.