EPISODE Carpenter: Guys, welcome to the studio. Thank you so much for coming. We're going to learn some carpentry today. Amir: Yeah! Let's make some carpets, WOO!! Carpenter: Awesome, well welcome Amir. Thanks for coming. Amir: Yeah, well I'm here and I'm not leaving, so ok. Carpenter: You don't have to leave at all. Amir: 'Cause even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to. Carpenter: Oh... I don't want to make you leave. Amir: You couldn't even force me out even if you wanted to because I'm too strong, so... Carpenter: Too strong? Well... I have a drill! Amir: (laughs and then starts screaming at carpenter while Jake holds him back) (Carpenter is showing Jake how to cut a piece of wood) Carpenter: Alright Jake, what you want to do is measure this to exactly 12 inches, ok. Amir: No, nobody does exactly 12 inches anymore. (cuts wood without measuring) You eye-ball it and then you have... This is like close enough I think... Jake: It's 15. Amir: Ok, 15 but remember this isn't like rocket science, we're just making carpets, right. Carpenter: No, carpentry. Amir: Ok, where's Pat? I want to try and saw his arm off, like (makes saw noise). (Carpenter is showing Amir how to drill into a piece of wood) Amir: Can I trace my hand in the wood before we start? Carpenter: No I, I wouldn't. Amir: That's what separates you from me. (proceeds to drill) (Carpenter and Jake are talking) Amir: Are you clowns almost done with this part? (returns with a bloody bandaged hand) Amir: Does anyone want to split a soda with me? (about to split a can of soda in half with a saw) (Carpenter showing Jake where to drill a hole in Amir's piece of wood) Carpenter: Just, right in the center of the X like, right in the middle of the palm. (bloody imprint of Amir's hand) Amir: (laughs) Are you guys light-headed? (Amir is swinging a long plank of wood back and forth while standing in front of Pat while he ducks repeatedly) Amir: Oh Jake, I thought of that game I wanted to rent. It was called uh... Sheesh. What was it called... I think it was called Doom. (Pat) Will you stop ducking, I'm trying to hit you! (Jake just finished sanding something) Carpenter: Jake, that turned out really well, man- Amir: Yeah, well watch this one. All I have to do is sand it- (all the wood pieces drop to floor) Ah, ok. Sh- It's fine, it's next to my 3 piece dresser drawer. (points to pile of wood) (Jake and Carpenter are working) Carpenter: Wait, where's Amir? Jake: I don't- Amir: (Amir is behind them, dangling from the ceiling) Guys. Carpenter: Oh my god. Jake: What are you doing? Amir: Can you build me a ladder super quick? Jake: How did you get up there? Amir: Ah, why does it matter. I'm up here and the fact of the matter is, my hand really hurts so could you just BUILD ME A FUCKING LADDER AND HELP ME GET DOWN. Checklist for Episodes