[Jake, Rosie, Amir Cohen, and a woman are standing in Jake's apartment hallway, drinking some yellow beverage. Funkytown by Lipps Inc is playing in the background.] WOMAN: Thanks for having me over, you guys, I'm having a blast. JAKE: Yeah, it really just feels good to get away from work. AMIR COHEN: What do you have to complain about? Your job's so easy. JAKE: It's not so much the job-- WOMAN: You don't look stressed, though. JAKE: Yeah, I'm feeling better now. (Six loud knocks on the door are heard.) ROSIE: Who is that? JAKE: Oh I think Pat might be coming. (Jake walks over to the door and opens it, finding Pat standing outside, looking despondent.) JAKE: Cassels! What took you so long, man? PAT: I'm so sorry. JAKE: For... (Amir sticks his head sideways out from behind the doorframe.) AMIR: Jake! JAKE: Oh, wow. (to Pat) You really need to learn how to defend yourself. AMIR: (squeezing Pat's head agaist his own shoulder) He does! (walking inside) Is this shit BYO-Noug? Cuz I did nay! (falsetto) [The woman is talking to Rosie in the hallway. Amir is talking to Jake by the doorway. Pat is standing next to them.] AMIR: Jake, thoughts on leaving, right now. JAKE: Nonexistent. AMIR: WITH, me. JAKE: Same answer. AMIR: (slamming Pat's arm up against the wall) Cassels why don't you get us a drink! PAT: What? AMIR: I don't know, this.. yellow cranberry juice, just please! (Pat walks to get a drink) Bye! We're having a-- JAKE: (to Pat) Sorry. AMIR: --conversation. (Amir looks over and sees the woman and Rosie.) AMIR: OUHHHG! That's the girl from your computerrrrrrrrr-- JAKE: SHHHH Shut up! AMIR: Maybe she's deaf! JAKE: She's def-initely not. AMIR: Lemme go over there and talk to her, I think I can hook you up--royal. JAKE: Don't. AMIR: God. Lemme just talk to her for thirty seconds, guaranteed you guys'll be frenching by the end of the month. JAKE: You will probably build me up... ...Go ahead. AMIR: (exhales.) You won't regret this. (Amir does the hop from Hop To It over to the woman and Rosie.) AMIR: Hi. (small laugh) WOMAN: Hello... AMIR: Ah, don't bother flirting with me, this isn't about that. WOMAN: Ok.. (looks relieved) AMIR: Rosie, can you actually give us twenty, or thirty minutes, or, just leave entirely? WOMAN: (to Rosie) Sorry... ROSIE: (walking into another room) Good luck. AMIR: Um, I think my friend has a little bit of a crush on you. WOMAN: Which friend? AMIR: Uh, the guy in the red. (points to Jake, who waves at Amir and the woman as they look over.) WOMAN: Really? AMIR: Yeah. WOMAN: He's so cute. JAKE: (quietly, to Pat) It's really working. AMIR: You think so? WOMAN: I do. AMIR: I'm gonna bring him over here, and maybe you guys can talk. WOMAN: Do it, yeah! Tell him, definitely. AMIR: (about to call Jake over, but hesitates) Uhh, Oh! I totally forgot to tell you, he's so funny. WOMAN: Is he? AMIR: Yeah. WOMAN: I love funny guys. AMIR: (laughing) He's so nice and funny. Uh, today-- it's stupid, I'll oer-- WOMAN: No! Tell me, tell me. Omigod. (?) Yeah. AMIR: (laughing) Today, we were looking at your Facebook profile on his computer, WOMAN: Mmjm? AMIR: ...and he was humping the monitor and high fiveing people and cracking up (laughs) WOMAN: (dryly) Really, that sounds so funny. AMIR: (laughing) You think so? WOMAN: Yeah!.. AMIR: (laughing) Oh, lemme think of other jokes he did. Uhh he-- Oh! He printed out your face super big, and he cut a hole over the mouth, and he started humping it,--(cut to Jake and Pat)--(Amir is air humping) and then he cut a hole over the eye, and he was humping that too-- JAKE: She actually thinks I'm cute! She likes me! AMIR: --Going around the office like a cowboy, huh? Still high fiveing people. (laughing) Oh my god.. WOMAN: That's.. awesome. AMIR: (waving his hand in front of the woman's face) Can you see, by the way? AMIR: Yeah! why--... AMIR: He sad he'd fuck you blind. (laughing) It's so weird that you can still see--... (the woman looks away, disgusted) We should really go talk to him beca-- WOMAN: Yeah! We should! It'll be fun. Let's go!-- AMIR: --Hey-- WOMAN: --You want to?-- AMIR: --Ok. You want me to lead you there?-- (he holds his elbow out, and they link arms and walk over to Jake and Pat) WOMAN: Yeah. Let's go! AMIR: (laughing) Ha! Cuz you're blind.. WOMAN: That'd be so much fun. (Amir holds two thumbs up and smiles largely as they walk over.) AMIR: (to the woman, introducing her to Jake) Uh, you know my friend Jake, right? WOMAN: Yeah, Jake! (to Jake) I can fucking see you, I'm not blind. (slaps him in the face and walks away.) JAKE: K.. AMIR: ..Woww... That was awesome... (hugs Jake around the neck with one arm) MY BOY'S GETTIN FRENCHED TONIGHT! END.