INTRO AMIR: (Pirate voice) Yarrr you be watchin' us so walk the flank! JAKE: Plank. AMIR: (Pirate voice) Don't embarrass me. JAKE: (On the phone) (Concerned voice) Oh god...well, should I come home?...Yeah, Just keep me posted. (Hangs up) AMIR: Is everything cool? JAKE: No, Man, my cat's sick. AMIR: Jesus...Why the vest? (Points at Jake's vest) JAKE: We have to put her to sleep. AMIR: My god...Why the vest though? JAKE: It's whatever, it's stupid, I dunno. AMIR: Yeah, it's stupid. It's very stupid. JAKE: Man, I've had that cat since I was twelve. AMIR: How long have you had the vest for? Ha. Should put the vest to sleep, keep the cat alive. JAKE: Okay, well, I've had the vest forever, alright? AMIR: Forever? There's still tags in it. (Jake reaches for the back of his shirt to check for tags) AMIR: Do you keep the tags in it forever? JAKE: No. AMIR: Is that like a...thing? JAKE: Stop noticing the vest! AMIR: I can't not notice the vest, okay? It's weird that you're wearing a vest. JAKE: Okay, well, I had nothing else to wear, alright? How's that for an excuse? I was doing laundry today. Laundry day ha...(Moves on to cat) Man, I remember when I first picked up the cat from the cat store... AMIR: What do you mean "nothing else to wear"? You're already wearing something else; you're wearing the vest over that. So it's like you're wearing a shirt jeans, that's a thing. JAKE: Okay, well, it's a joke. The vest is a funny joke. AMIR: On you? Like is that a joke on yourself— JAKE: I don't care what I look like! I don't give a crud what I wear. AMIR: So why're you-why is that top button unbuttoned? (Points at button) That's clearly a choice, right? JAKE: We're putting my childhood pet to sleep and all you can focus on is my cool vest. AMIR: I didn't say it was cool. JAKE: Sorry, stylish. AMIR: I definitely didn't call it stylish. JAKE: Okay, well, it doesn't matter 'cause it's comin' off! (Starts to unbutton vest) AMIR: Is that a...is that a watch? (Gestures towards Jake's wrist) JAKE: (Checks wrist) No, there's no-there's not watch-head on it so it's just like a band. (Rotates wrist to show Amir) AMIR: Why...all the effort? Why're you wearing a leather band? JAKE: (Sarcasm) Oh my god it's so hard to put a band around your wrist and snap it in. (Demonstrate) AMIR: I'm saying, like, goin' to the mall, that's like a lot of effort. JAKE: (Sarcasm) Lots of effort to take a quick bus ride over the GW bridge and you thumb it down to an Abercromie. What's hard about that? And guess what, I didn't pay a friggin' dime 'cause I ganked it! Ah ha. (Jake gets a phone call) (Suddenly upset) Oh, one second. (Picks up phone) Hello?...No, there's nothing you can do. Why could-how-you already couldn't do anything...I understand. (Puts hand over face) AMIR: Is the cat gone? JAKE: No, it was Urban Outfitters. My custom J-Witz dog tags aren't gonna be ready 'till late this afternoon. AMIR: Dog tags? JAKE: (Pulls out a dog tag from under his shirt) Yeah, dog tags, like this one. AMIR: So you're already wearing one? JAKE: Yeah, well you need two! Or was Justin Timberlake at the 2002 Kid's Choice Awards NOT styling? (Amir looks confused) JAKE: (Sarcasm) Oh, yeah, I bet he wasn't fucking Britney Spears. (Puts on another dog tag) AMIR: So you have two? JAKE: YOU NEED FOUR! Alright? Or was Chris Kirkpatrick at the 2008 NOT styling? THE END http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysX71Wv8GyQ