INTRO JAKE: You're watching Jake and Amir. AMIR: Oh, you spelled "you're" wrong. JAKE: Didn't spell it, just said it. AMIR: Coward! AMIR: (Holding a heart shaped piece of paper) Okay, what do you think about this for a Valentine's poem? How Many Words Would It Take by Amir Valarie Blumenfeld. JAKE: You know you can change your middle name, right? AMIR: (Reciting poem) How many words would it take to accurately express what you mean to me? How can you scientifically quantify how much lighter I become when you enter my day and how heavy I feel when you leave? How can I describe how my smile just appears magnetically when I see your face? (Jake smiles) How can I possibly count my thoughts of you when I think of you so constantly? As thoughts within thoughts, within thoughts, within thoughts make it impossible to remember where one began and the other ended. Time folds into itself as I am already nostalgic for our future and look forward to our past. For the rest of my life, I love you. (There is a short pause as Jake tries to find the words to say) JAKE: Wow...that was... AMIR: DUMB, I know! (Chuckles) JAKE: No, it was good. It was really, really good. AMIR: I texted the first part of it to myself while I was takin' a shit. JAKE: Dude, it was incredible. AMIR: And the second part, I was mid-wipe so I just said "fuck it, I'll leave it as a voicemail to myself". Haha. Are you crying? JAKE: (Wiping eyes) Yeah! I welled up a little. Who're you giving that to? AMIR: I don't know, I just freestyled it off the top of my dick, probably nobody; I'm gonna can it. (Amir begins to bring the poem down to the garbage) JAKE: Hey, hey, hey! N-n-n-no, no Man! AMIR: What? You already have a card. JAKE: No, Dude, I lost it! It was better than yours and now it's gone! AMIR: (Points at the heart shaped piece of paper in Jake's hand) What about that? JAKE: It's a placeholder. It's a suckier version of the card I wrote; a dummy version. AMIR: Read it. JAKE: I'll read it to you and if you think it's shwing-worthy then it might just be my actual card. AMIR: Um...sh— JAKE: (Clears throat obnoxiously) (Begins to recite poem) You are blazing to me. You are so blazing. No, you're better than blazing; you're blazin'. No 'g', just an apostrophe, you don't need a 'g', 'cause I'm your G. So we drop the 'g'. (Amir scratches his head) And tonight, you gonna drop your g-string. Let me see that crack, Girl. I bet it ain't whack, Girl. Love, your not-so-secret-admirerer, J-Witz. (End of poem) If you thought it sucked it's only because I can't read for shit. AMIR: No...Man, it was...good... JAKE: You say that and you mean it, but you're wrong. AMIR: What? JAKE: What did yours say? AMIR: What does it matter what mine says? JAKE: 'Cause I'm gonna amend mine! A little bit! Based on some of the words you said. AMIR: But I wrote— JAKE: Just say some of it 'cause I can't remember how stupid it was! AMIR: I don't— JAKE: That's all! AMIR: I don't wanna say any of— JAKE: It was like, "how can I count the ways by-like how many thoughts within thoughts, within thoughts and then nostalgia for our future and past already" or something like that. "How can I possibly— (Cuts to Sarah continuing the poem aloud, in front of Jake) SARAH: count the ways you are thinking within, thoughts ,within thoughts, I lost count. That's the point. I can't count worth shit because I forget how number work when you're around because you are blazin'. Love, J-Witz. What is this? (Laughs) This is so weird. JAKE: (Snatches card away from Sarah) I knew you were too dumb to appreciate it. (Walks away but turns around) Fuck it, kiss me. (Reaches for Sarah's face) SARAH: Geez, no, ah, stop, no! (Pushes Jake away) JAKE: Gotcha! Haha. OUTRO: (Sarah recites Amir's new poem, in front of Amir) SARAH: Now tonight, you drop your g-string. Let me see that crack, Girl. I bet it's not whack, Girl? Amir, that's so sweet. (Amir and Sarah Hug and Jake is seen in background once they pull apart) THE END http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj6sNdGfylY