Intro JAKE: You're watching Jake and, wow, your nose is bleeding a lot. AMIR: OH, barely... [titles] AMIR: Hey bud, good news, bad news. Which one you want first? JAKE: No news. AMIR: Well no news is good news so we'll start with the bad. My dad is pissed at us, and this time, it is earned. JAKE: What? AMIR: OK, but the good news is he doesn't have a reason to be as pissed as he is. JAKE: You said it was earned. AMIR: He's steaming like hot shit on a plate of ice, but the good news is- JAKE: You just said the good news. AMIR: The good news is he don't matter, cause we don't care. JAKE: I care. AMIR: You should, because he's mostly pissed at you. JAKE: I didn't do anything. AMIR: Well, you were kind of a bitch to his mom in that letter you wrote that I wrote for you. JAKE: I didn't write a letter! AMIR: Tell that to my dad. JAKE: I want to. AMIR: I wouldn't, not right now atleast, he probably wouldn't even talk to you, because he's sorta paying out of pocket for that whole giraffe rental thing. JAKE: I didn't rent a giraffe. AMIR: Tell that to my dad, man. JAKE: I wanna tell him everything! AMIR: Sorry, but you gotta take a hit on that, ok? JAKE: It sounds like i'm taking a hit on everything. AMIR: Untrue! ok i'm taking a hit on the duck thing, the high school track fiasco thing, and the second duck thing. JAKE: Take a hit on all the things! AMIR: No way, because the orphanage thing, that wasn't even my idea. JAKE: It wasn't mine! AMIR: Well, it kinda stemmed from the first duck thing which, correct if i'm wrong you said you'd take the hit on. JAKE: No, you are wrong, you said you were gonna take the hit on it. AMIR: No, I said the second duck thing. JAKE: You said both. You said the first duck thing, the high school track thing and the second duck thing. AMIR: Listen man, we're in this together right now ok, our lives are like we're intertwined. JAKE: Why am I getting a phone call? AMIR: Is that from Venezuela? JAKE: I don't think so, it's a local number. AMIR: Yeah that's Venezuela. laughs He's a transvestite bouncer at bar we, let's just say we burned it down last night. JAKE: What did we actually do? AMIR: We burned it down last night. JAKE: Awesome alright stop talking to me because I don't want to be implicated any more than I already am CHICKEN MAN: speaks question in asian language holding a roast duck AMIR: Ohhh, right. JAKE: Lemme guess, the duck thing. AMIR: Very wrong, the second duck thing. JAKE: So not very wrong. CHICKEN MAN: yelling at Jake in asian language for rest of video JAKE: I- what AMIR: OH woah woah woah ok- JAKE: You're mad at him! You're mad at him, not me! Hey I didn't do anything! AMIR: It's fine it's fine it's fine! [END]