Jake: You're watching Jake and Amir Amir: That's what she said! Jake: No, she didn't Amir: I know you are but what am I? (Jake and amir are in the bathroom, Jake is holding a toothbrush) Jake: First thing first I'm teaching you how to brush you teeth, right? So put pants on. (Camera shows shot of Amir's pixelated grey penis) Amir: Oh my god, like you've never seen a penis before! Jake: Not one that... Amir: Big! Jake: Grey, is what I was going to say. Alright, the key to brushing your teeth efficiently is... Amir: I know, once a week mother! Jake: Circular motion. Okay, stop acting like you know what I'm going to say. Amir: Sorry, mother Jake: You want to get just a little bit of tooth paste on the brush like this.. Stop peeing! Stop Peeing! Amir: It says use a pee sized amount, okay. I was just comparing. Jake: It's getting on my legs! Amir: Oh, you've never felt pee before Jake: No, not on my legs.. Stop peeing! Okay, you want to start with your bottom teeth like this. Amir: Call me Bleeding Gums Murphy, cause I'm Black! Jake: Jesus, what is that? Amir: Chocolate, oil and figs! Jake: Look at you, you're just brushing your gums, how are your teeth not insanely yellow. Amir: I white strip for 10 hours a day! Jake: Seriously? (Touches Amir's Teeth) Oh my God, they're so soft Amir: Yeah! Jake: They felt like white beans Amir: Yeah! Jake: They're softer than cooked rice Amir: Yeah! (Both are now holding dental floss) Jake: Alright, you want to get the floss real nice and tight like this, and then slide it. Amir: Ahhhh, it pricked me, little bitch Jake: I'm serious man you've got to stop white stripping Amir: Yeah! Jake: You're teeth feel like velvet Amir: Yeah! Jake: Like little rectangles of flannel or something Amir: Yeah! Jake: A mouth full of packing pieces Amir: Yeah! Jake: They're loose too, I feel like I could just flick one out, no problem Amir: Oh definitely. Let me feel your teeth Hot shot, let me feel how hard they are (Taps Jake's teeth with a toothbrush) too hard, way too hard, you got to have a little give! Jake: No, they don't Amir: You wan to feel a healthy tooth, feel mine Jake: I just did, did you forget about how this conversation originated Amir: My teeth are a thousand times softer than yours! Jake: Exactly! Amir: Exactly (Amir, is flossing with a lot of blood in his mouth) Jake: Slide it through the tooth gently Amir: Oh crapsicles son of a bitch pricked me again (Now amir is brushing) Jake: You should be brushing your teeth for a full two minutes, three times a day Amir: Okay, I don't have an hour to waste on this bullshit! Jake: Why do you think it's an hour? Amir: Thirty times four (Amir is now flossing, with considerable amounts of blood) Jake: Alright blood is good, it means your gums are getting healthy Amir: Ow, little bitch pricked me again! Jake: No, you're controlling the floss, so you're being a little bitch pricking yourself Amir: Ahh, she is a demon bitch, but she is good (Amir is now brushing his hair with a toothbrush) Jake: I'm not saying it doesn't work, but I'm just saying you shouldn't do it. Amir: Oh! (Brushes his teeth with the same toothbrush) Ew, salty Jake: shouldn't be (Amir is again flossing, his mouth and chin covered in blood) Amir: AH, Let me show you this floss, let me do it on you! Jake: No, that's okay Amir: She is pricking me like there's no tomorrow, let me get a new length of rope! Jake: The floss? You didn't get a bad string, you're going too hard on your gums Amir: Oh! Little bitch pricked me a third and final time Jake: Okay, want to take a little break? Amir: How about I got the bitch? How about I got the bitch back! (Amir starts to faint) Jake: Oh hey, you awake (Catches him) Amir: I'm awake, I'm awake.