INTRO AMIR: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir! JAKE: Good job. AMIR: --biiitch! JAKE: ..Never mind. SARAH, JAKE and PAT are sitting on a couch, laughing and smiling. PAT is holding a picture in his hands. PAT: Yes-- so, I-- I used to be a little fat. JAKE: (takes the picture from PAT) A little fat? C'mon man, you're a blimp in this picture. There's nothing little about it. SARAH: (takes the picture from JAKE) I can't tell if this is a family photo or if it's just you. (JAKE lets out a laugh) PAT: ..Alright, alright. JAKE: More like Fat Cassels, right? SARAH (laughing): Nice! AMIR shows up, holding a Rubik's Cube and laughing. PAT mumbles something, before everyone stops laughing and turn to look at AMIR. JAKE (to AMIR): What're you laughing about? AMIR: Same. JAKE: Same what? AMIR: Same same. JAKE: Same same what? AMIR: Same same thing that you jokesters are laughing about. SARAH: (shows the picture to AMIR) We're laughing about this. AMIR takes the picture. AMIR: (looking at the picture, smiling and laughing as he speaks) Oh my jee! JAKE: Hey, don't make fun of him too much, Pat might get mad and eat us. Everyone laughs, except PAT. AMIR: Hey, I'd give Pat a candy bar but he'd just eat it! (laughs) ..No, I'm just messin' with you guys. (clears throat awkwardly) JAKE: Well, I'm gonna go back to w-- AMIR: Ww- Pat! I saw Pat eating a sandwich yesterday. Lettuce, cheese, tomato-- everything. And what he didn't finish, he just threw away. (to PAT) What's the matter Pat, ain't you ever heard of leftovers for dinner? (laughs) SARAH (to AMIR): Are you calling him fat or wasteful? AMIR: Whatever, it's all the same, right, tubby? SARAH: Are you calling *me* fat? AMIR: ..No. AMIR (to PAT): Hey Pat, I'd give you a gift certificate to a restaurant, (to all three) but he'd probably just spend it! (laughs) PAT: ..Yeah.. AMIR: At the restaurant, maybe. (smirks) PAT: ..I would. AMIR: Oh my god, this guy's too fat to even realize he's admitting it! (laughs, then makes a farting noise with his mouth) Pat farted! (quietly) No... JAKE: Wow, that was really bad. AMIR: What? Smelled bad maybe. JAKE: So you did hear me. AMIR: Yeah, smelled like food, (pointing at PAT) 'cuz that's what this guy had.. for breakfast. Gobble, gobble (acting out putting stuff into his mouth). PAT: That's what-- (AMIR: Gobble) --That is what everyone has for breakfast. AMIR: I KNOW. I'm messing with you, maan. PAT: Yeah, well you're really bad at it. AMIR: No. SARAH: Yeah seriously Amir, don't make fun of me, I don't want anyone to know I had food for breakfast. Everyone laughs. AMIR (interrupting shouting over the laughing): Yeah well at least my little brother didn't die! Everyone stops laughing. PAT: (quietly, to himself) Ahm.. AMIR: ..So. Several more seconds of silence pass. AMIR: (quietly, with silence in between) Um. Um. No... So. PAT pats JAKE's leg and stands up. He pats Amir on the shoulder before walking away. PAT (sniffs, almost crying): Fine. It's funny man. Really funny. AMIR: C'mon! I was messing with him!