Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir: And I bet you I can eat this microphone. Jake: No no no no. (Amir chokes) Jake: Oh god, no no! Amir: Okay. (Jake and Amir are sitting at a table with some food on it. Jake finishes putting a blindfold on Amir.) Jake: Alright. Do you know why you're here? Amir: Oh sheesh y'all, 'twas a dream! Jake: Okay. Jake: You crying? Amir: No! Jake: I'm gonna give you a blindfolded taste test, see if you like some new food, and hopefully we can expand your diet. Amir: Okay, I do expand it already, so. I eat mo' and mo' chicken noogets every day. Jake: Here we go. (Feeds Amir a piece of pineapple) Amir: Och. Blach. Oh my god. Jake: How is it? Amir: Tastes like a cold and sweet... like a wet chicken nugget or something. Jake: That's a pineapple. (Amir spits it out onto the floor) Amir: Needs barbeque sauce. Jake: Alright, this is kinda like a chicken nugget: grilled chicken. (Amir is holding the grilled chicken) Amir: The shape is good. Honestly, the shape is good, but I'm gonna put it on the floor for now. We'll file it under 'F' for floor. Jake: Man. (Amir tries some water and spits it onto the floor) Jake: Oh! Amir: Oh, god! What is this, poison?! Jake: It's water! Amir: It's so... not salty. Amir: Alright, next thing better not be green because I swear I'm allergic. Jake: That's impossible. Amir: Yeah I thought so too, until I ate that moldy piece of bread last week. Remember? (Jake is putting down the water) Amir: Uhhhhhh... Jake: Don't be sad, it's fine. It's fine. Amir: Alright, untie me you fool! Jake: You're not tied up. Amir: Oh. Yeah. My hands feel really weak. Jake: It's probably your diet. Amir: Yeah, probabl—well, definitely my diet. Amir: Alright, just put it in my hand and I'll put it in my mouth. Jake: Fine. (Jake puts a piece of broccoli in Amir's hand and he throws it away) Jake: You're not even gonna try to be discreet, huh? Amir: Nay. Amir: Oh my god, I'm blind! Jake: You're blindfolded. Amir: No, it's even darker here than yooj! Jake: Try opening your eyes. Amir: Okay, I'm not an idiot, okay, it's not—ah. Jake: What did you do? Amir: Uh, nothing. I just adjusted something, nothing you told me to do. Bitch. Amir: Wanna just chill in here for a little while and talk smack about Jeff? Jake: So you forgot why we're here in the first place. Amir: I think it's quite obvious I have. Amir: Ready. Jake: Ready, here you go. (Puts the chicken in Amir's mouth, or rather, just between his teeth) Amir: Yummy! Jake: That one good? Amir: Yeah, supa. Jake: You like that one? Amir: It's a good one. Jake: That's a good one. You like it a lot Amir: Yeah. Jake: Put it in your mouth, all the way. Amir: Nah. Jake: Put it in your mouth all the way and eat it. You're not chewing it. You're not chewing it. You're not doing anything. (Amir spits it out) Amir: Well it tastes like garbage! (Jake is holding a chicken nugget) Jake: Chicken nugget. Do you think I was gonna feed this to you accidentally? Amir: I don't know what you're talking about, so. Jake: Alright, well, here we go. (Feeds Amir a cauliflower) Amir: Mm. Yummy. Jake: You like that? Amir: Yeah. Jake: That's cauliflower, man. Amir? (Amir is choking Jake on the table) Amir: I f**king trusted you you son of a bitch! THE END