TALENT SHOW INTRO JAKE: You're watching— AMIR: Hurry up, okay? I'm bored! JAKE: You're slowing us down. AMIR: That's true. AMIR: (Hanging up Talent Show sign and quietly singing to himself in an office) ...like, we like to party, we like the party... (Jake walks in) AMIR: Oh! Here for the talent show? JAKE: You know I'm not here for the talent show, Man. AMIR: Well, then ya can just beat it, 'cause everyone here (brief pause) got talent. (Zooms out to reveal an empty office) JAKE: Nobody showed up, okay? Be at peace with that. AMIR: I dunno where I went wrong, Man. JAKE: If you're venting, I will stop and let ya vent— AMIR: It's just, like, one of those things where, like, nobody's specifically to blame. JAKE: N-no, you're specifically to blame, just because the fliers that you put up where um at best blatantly racist and at worst...illegal. AMIR: Yeah, well, got people talking, didn't it? JAKE: Mostly about how appalled they were. I mean, you wrote a 'w' on each one of your butt cheeks, bent over, and took an incredibly high res photo of your anus so it spelled "wow". AMIR: Correctly. JAKE: Not impressive. AMIR: But provocative, like Nike's Write The Future campaign which got people into soccer. JAKE: Why did you build the entire thing as The World's First Non-Filipino Talent Show? AMIR: What? JAKE: Did you not hear me or are you actually confused? AMIR: (Shrugs shoulders) Both I guess. JAKE: In every e-mail you sent out, every tweet ya tweeted, every Facebook message that you bombarded everyone in the office with, you said "The World's First (Amir joins in) Non-Filipino Talent Show. AMIR: Right... JAKE: So you remember? AMIR: Yeah, just to keep the Filipinos at bay. JAKE: Why? There's only one Filipino guy in our entire office. Why would you call him out like that? By the way, he's a really great juggler. AMIR: He's alright, yeah he auditioned, he was just like, I dunno, a lot of it was stuff I've seen before; three ball, four ball, five ball... JAKE: What were you gonna do? AMIR: Great question! Daily show type theatrics only a little bit eh right of center, a lot of smoke and mirrors and political potty humor stuff, with a pop culture slant geared toward skewering the left. JAKE: That makes no sense. AMIR: I was gonna swallow a kielbasa and puke all over the front row, like frickin' Gallagher or something. JAKE: Alright, I used to think you were like misunderstood, but deep down a good guy— AMIR: Thank-you. JAKE: Y'know, well let me finish— AMIR: I appreciate that. JAKE: I appreciate that you appreciate it, AMIR: Yeah... JAKE: but I'm not done talking. AMIR: I just-I really needed to hear that positive stuff because— JAKE: Okay, well, Ii just want you to know that I'm not trying to comfort you and I might actually insult you by the time I'm done talking. AMIR: This talent show JAKE: You... AMIR: just didn't go well JAKE: I don't think— AMIR: and like— JAKE: You are not good! (Amir looks disappointed) JAKE: Okay? AMIR: Okay. JAKE: Okay, I'm-hey, no, look you're... Amir, you're not good, you're great, alright? And I am here for the talent show. (Amir smiles) JAKE: Me and Ryan! Ryan, get in here! (Filipino Ryan walks in) (Amir looks in disbelief) JAKE: Look at this, this kid can juggle, boy outtie! (Laughs) AMIR: (Laughs weakly) Get the fuck outta here, Lying Rying! Okay?! JAKE: Okay, okay— AMIR: You know what this means?! It means NOT welcome! (Holds up flier with his anus on it) JAKE AND RYAN: Ahhh! Oh wow! THE END http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QuIfOhNZVo