INTRO Jake - Hey you're watching Jake and Amir... Flawless- Amir - Flawless victory. Jake - Dammit. Amir - Sorry. EPISODE Amir - (walks in and locks door) Jake - Did you just lock the door? Amir - Alright, I left this (suggestion box) on my desk for 2 days so let's see what people really think about me. Jake - Just remember to have thick skin, alright- Amir - My skin is FINE alright, so shut it. You know I'm sensitive about that kind of stuff. Jake - What kind of stuff? Amir - Stuff about me. (makes a fist) Jake - Don't hit me, please. Don't hit me. Amir - Ugh, this box is like jammed, do you have scissors or something? Jake - No, I don't just carry scissors around with me. Amir - Whoa, ok you don't have to tell me twice. Heheh. GIVE ME THE SCISSORS. Jake - So I do have to tell you twice. Amir - Yeah, alright. You know, just give me your scissors and we'll call it even... Unless you want another one of these (make a fist). Amir - Alright, first one is a joke, so I'm gonna pass on that grass. Jake - What's it say? Amir - It says "You should work harder, you're never at work on time and I often see you doing stuff that isn't related to your job". Heheh, someone's goofin' me. (stuffs paper in mouth). Jake - Don't. Amir - Hi, my name's Dan from the Witness Protection Program, can I have your scissors sir? Jake - That doesn't even make any sense. Amir - Ok, this one's got to be a goof. "I reek of garbage." Uh, not a suggestion. Jake - It says right there you should shower regularly. Amir - (Hahaha) Ok, if you don't know the difference between a goof and a real suggestion you should just leave. Jake - Alright, I'll go. Amir - That was a goof. Amir - Alright, this one's upside down, I shall discard it, AS A GOOF. Jake - "When you walk into the office, it literally feels like I'm being water-boarded with diarrhea, the stench of a billion farts." Amir - Jesus, that one... (pats chest) THAT WAS A GOOF. Amir - Oh what's that game? Rock, paper,... Jake - Scissors. Amir - HAH. Jake - Doesn't mean I have them. Amir - (in goofy voice) This one's a real goooof says Goofy. Hahah. Jake - It just says "die". Amir - (does Goofy laugh). Amir - Ahh, let's see the next goof. Jake - You've taken to calling them goofs before you even read them. Amir - (looks at suggestion) Yeah, that's a goof. (looks at ground sadly) Amir - This one's not so bad, "More healthy options in the vending machine". Jake - Alright, I think someone didn't understand the concept behind your- Amir - Yeah well I'm gonna make this one my mission, ok! What good would it be to ignore all of these? Jake - What about every single other one? Amir - Those are- Jake and Amir - Goofs. Jake - Right. Amir - Yeah, they're goofy. Amir - (looking at ground sadly) Jake - So are you going to keep breathing or no? Amir - Oh what's the point, ok. Each one of these pieces of paper is a tiny little reminder that I'm not good enough. That I gotta change something. Jake - Then why did you make a suggestion box? Amir - I was hoping, it would be empty. Jake - No more suggestions, did you learn anything? Amir - Yeah, I learned I need a new job, one that's far away from these losers. Jake - That's fine. That was one of the suggest- Amir - Yeah you're right, I'll stick it out. Jake - Didn't say that. Amir - Whoa, what's that? (reaches for Jake's back pockets). Jake - Get off me! Amir - Give me your sciss- (finds scissors) So you had scissors. Jake - Give them back, alright! You always get them sticky. Checklist of Episodes