INTRO A: [bleep] mother [bleep] Jake and Amir. J: Try one without cursing. A: [bleep] NO. [Jake opens a can of Coca-Cola, with Amir peering over his computer watching him do it] A: Whoa. Awwwww... [one cut to Jake taking a sip] A: You gotta give me a sip of that. [another cut to Jake ignoring him] A: You gotta give me some of that so-da. [cut to Jake still ignoring him] A: Gimme a sip of that so-da. [another cut of Jake ignoring him] A: [imitating Yoda] SODA SAYS GIMME A SIP, YOU WILL. [Jake is STILL ignoring him] A: C'mon, man, you gotta gimme a sip of that soda; I don't wanna ask twice. J: You just asked me like 5 different ways, one of which was a TERRIBLE Yoda impression. A: Yeah, not so TERRIBLE that you didn't recognize it was Yoda. J: [shaking his head] That's not an accomplishment - DON'T write it in that book! [cut to Amir holding a pen and book close to his face, looking slightly afraid] J: [gesturing] Let me see your entry for today. [Amir throws the book, Jake fumbles to catch it and fails] A: Nice catch, Jay Buhner! J: Nice throw. A: What are you, a major-league right baseball player - J: [interrupting] Jake complimented my Yoda impression and then gave me a sip of his soda. [Jake looks up at Amir, who shrugs] J: You know you have the date wrong, right? A: Yeah, but not so wrong that you didn't recognize - J: [interrupting] June 43rd, 1. [Jake glares at Amir, who makes a silly face and shrugs] J: [closes book] Why do you even keep a diary? A: [angry] IT'S NOT A DIARY. It's a journal. Now, gimme my diary back, please. [Jake hands it over, Amir snatches it] A: Now gimme a sip! I gave you a diary, you give me a - J: [interrupting, angry] There's free sodas, okay? There are free sodas, in the kitchen, 20 feet away. A: What do you want me to do, man? You want me to just...move? J: Move there? Walk there. A: [starts speaking after Jake says 'move there'] Yeah, you want me to just tele - heliport. J: Heliport's not a thing. A: It's a thing. You go - J: [interrupting] Teleport is the word you were looking for. A: [puts both hands in the air] Gimme a sip, man. J: [irritated] I'm busy, okay? Doing ACTUAL WORK. So can you stop bothering me? [Jake puts on headphones and starts singing Firework by Katy Perry and dancing. While he's distracted, Amir gets a long straw and puts it into Jake's can of soda and starts drinking it, but knocks it over onto Jake's lap] J: [takes off headphones] Come on! What are you doing? What is that, a straw? A: What are you, impressed? J: NO. Don't write that down. [cut to Amir with the pen and book close to his face again, looking slightly afraid] END