Amir [holding a cigarette, trying to sit down backwards in an office chair]: Ahh... what are you doing? Jake: Don't do that. Amir: Pull me out. Push my leg. Hold the-- hold the chair, and then I'll push my leg. Jake: Just sit regular. I don't wanna... Amir: OK, but I'll... Jake: Just sit normal. Amir: Half backwards. Jake: Nope. Amir: Long day, right? Jake: Yeah. Amir: What are you doing the rest of the day? Jake: Uh, nothing. I mean, what are you doing? Amir: I mean, I'm holding a cigarette. Don't judge me. Jake: I'm not. I'm asking what you're doing the rest of the day. Amir: Sorry, mom. Some things are too cool for school, Daddy-o. Oh God, people smoke. Sorry if this freaks you out! Jake: Doesn't. Amir: It should. Jake: All right, smoke it right now. Amir: Psh, I wish I could. I wish I could smoke it right now. So smooth, tastes like milk. But I can't, 'cause I don't have a lighter. If I had a lighter, that would be the only... Jake [taking out a lighter]: Here's one. Amir: Jesus Christ, man, put that away! You're gonna light this on fire, get us arrested! [taking the lighter] Just give it to me already. You don't even know how to do it. [using the lighter, which works fine] Doesn't work. I wish it would, 'cause then I could toke this baby. Jake: It works. Amir: Plus it's green, which means it's gay, so I'm not gonna use it to light my cig. Watch this. Jake: Don't. Amir: Swish! [throws the lighter] Straight cash. Jake: I'm gonna go get the lighter, I'm gonna come back, and then we're gonna smoke it for real. Amir: [breaking the cigarette] Forget it, it's broken. Now we can't. And I'm all jittery, I'm all stressed out, I need another one. You owe me a cig. You owe me two cigs. Jake: No, this is still smokeable. Amir: No way, you don't know how to do it. You can't-- psh, half a cigarette? Jake: [lighting the cigarette] Amir: All right, very funny. Stop, stop! Look, it's all red now! Come on, I quit! I'm gonna sit regular. I just-- I quit! Let's go get drunk. Let's go to a bar. I'm buying the shots. Jake: I'm going back to work. Amir: Don't! Let's go to a bar... Jake, come back! I'll smoke again if you want me to.