(guitar playing, badly) AMIR: You're watching Jake and Amir! JAKE: Wow, really bad. AMIR: (sad) I know! JEFF: So right off the bat you can see this isn't like a traditional all-American board game. AMIR: So right off the bat--ninja star! JAKE: Right off the bat, pick that up. AMIR: Right off the bat, you're just trying to act cool in front of Jeff. (jump scene) JEFF: Now if you build a settlement on one of these ports-- AMIR: Ah, sorry, one second, I was texting. I--I wasn't listening. JAKE: You can't even spell. How were you texting? AMIR: Okay, it's very hard. Thanks for calling me out on it. (jump scene) JEFF: And we are ready to settle Catan! AMIR: Shut the FU-- (jump scene) JEFF: Okay, just pick a color. JAKE: Uh, green. AMIR: I'll be green too. Jake and I are on the same team. JAKE: No we're not. AMIR: Well, if you wanna be green, then yeah we are. JAKE: I'll be white. AMIR: I'll be white too. (jump scene) AMIR: Ooh, can I be the banker? JEFF: Actually, there is no money in Catan. Instead you barter with resources like wood, wheat, ore, sheep, or clay. (pause) Are you masterbating right now? (jump scene) JEFF: So if you roll a seven, you get to-- AMIR: Hold on a second. Uh, Jake, you are amazing and I appreciate you a lot. JAKE: Thanks. Good compliment. AMIR: Sure. Uh, you're perfect in every way, and I wouldn't change anything about you. Jeff, continue explaining-- JAKE: Alright, no more compliments from you. AMIR: Sure. JEFF: You guys good? AMIR: Yeah, yeah, he's great. (jump scene) JAKE: Oh, just got a text from Amir. 'Garllln'. Question mark. AMIR: Okay, that was a typo, it was supposed to be an exclamation point. I was excited. (jump scene) AMIR: I'm on a boat and, I'm on a boat and, I'm on a boat-- JAKE: That's a piece from Sorry!. And those weren't the lyrics. AMIR: Sorry, I'm having a hard time figuring out which one of these are houses and which one of these are candies. JAKE: Oh, there's a simple rule for that. If it's made of wood, it's a house, and nothing on the table is candy. AMIR: Right right right. My teeth hurt. (jump scene) AMIR: All right, this move's a real game changer, so watch out! (pulls out balance ball and throws it on table, scattering the pieces) JEFF: Hey! AMIR: (flips the board) Don't act like you didn't expect that to happen. COLLEGE HUMOR