INTRO AMIR: Who has two thumbs and you're watching Jake and Amir? JAKE: Not how that goes. AMIR: Nooo. AMIR: (Checks laptop) Oh no! (Slams elbows on desk) JAKE: What? AMIR: Do you get this e-mail even? JAKE: What e-mail? AMIR: (interrupts and imitates Jake) What e-mail? Look then if you don't know. Don't ask me a question; be proactive, check it out— JAKE: You asked me if I got the e-mail. I said 'what e-mail?'. What— AMIR: Secret Santa e-mail, okay? JAKE: That e-mail came in a week ago! AMIR: Secret Santa, huh? More like Secret Not. JAKE: You gotta stop it with that Not joke, okay? It never works. AMIR: Oh this is the worst day of my life since last year's Secret Santa e-mail. JAKE: Why is it so bad? AMIR: Do you even know what Secret Santa is? JAKE: We randomly choose a co-worker to give a gift to at the Christmas party? AMIR: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. JAKE: I was done talking. AMIR: (Gestures towards Jake) C-Can I? JAKE: I was finished. AMIR: What? JAKE: Yes, go ahead. AMIR: (Continues to gesture towards Jake and tilts head up) Can I talk? JAKE: That's how a conversation works; I'm done talking! You don't...What is...I don't even know...What happening right now? AMIR: Give a gift: That's my problem right there; giving a gift. You realize there are children starving in Africa right now, right? And I'd rather punch them all in the face than have to give a shitty ass co-worker a shitty ass gift. JAKE: So don't sign up. AMIR: Don't sign up. Ah haha! That's great! Except for then I wouldn't get (slams fists on desk for emphasis) a gift! I wouldn't get (slams fists on desk for emphasis) a gift And I want (slams fists on desk for emphasis) a gift! I just don't want to give (slams fists on desk for emphasis) one. JAKE: You're a bad person. AMIR: Whatever, Man, I'll just giftwrap a piece of garbage and give it to an employee, I don't care. (Begins to cry) JAKE: You know you're crying? AMIR: (Sarcasm) Wow. JAKE: You're crying right now, okay?! You realize you're almost 30 and you're crying? You cry more than any— AMIR: Almost 30! JAKE: You've come to say you cry more than any other adult I know. AMIR: I know, I know. JAKE: If you know then make a change! AMIR: I'm starving! JAKE: That's like a baby excuse for why they would cry. AMIR: Thanks for calling me your baby. JAKE: I didn't call you my baby. MARINA: Alright, you guys gotta pick your name for Secret Santa. AMIR: Jake. Marina: Out of a hat. AMIR: Jake out of a hat then. JAKE: Just pick a name, Dude. AMIR: (Picks name out of hat) Okay, giftwrap garbage for this guy if you don't let me choose again. MARINA: Fine. AMIR: (Pulls out/Puts back different names from hat) No. No. No. No. No. No. No. (Pauses to look at name) No. (Picks a new name) Oh. Mmmkay. (Marina peaks at the name Amir has picked) JAKE: Come on. MARINA: Yeah, he didn't even get you. AMIR: I can't even read the small writing, okay!? Let me choose again or I'm gonna cry. (Begins to cry) MARINA: You're already crying. AMIR: Aw I'm his baby. Gotta love me. THE END http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3I4_lwry44