Jake sits down at his desk with a sandwich. AMIR: Whoa, what is that? Tell me right now. JAKE: Calm down, it's a sandwich. AMIR: No shit Sherlock, what kind? JAKE: Not that it's any of your business-- AMIR: Incorrect. You're supposed to keep digging Watson. Continue. JAKE: Mayo. AMIR: Ooh. JAKE: Mozzarella. AMIR: Mustard. JAKE: Mozzarella cheese. AMIR: Provolone, my favesies. JAKE: And a veggie burger. AMIR: Pizza. JAKE: No, none of those things. AMIR: Ooh, I'm sorry brotha. JAKE: Don't be. AMIR: That is mine, that is definitely my sandwich. JAKE: It's not. AMIR: No questions asked. JAKE: You're right, no questions asked. My sandwich. AMIR: Listen, ask anybody in here that knows me, they'll tell you zat one is definitely my sandwich. JAKE: I'm the only one here that knows you, and I'm telling you that it's my sandwich. AMIR: It shouldn't even come to this. JAKE: Yeah. AMIR: (Laughs) I mean, this is insane! It's so-- JAKE: Yeah. AMIR: It's clear to me whose sandwich it belongs to. JAKE: (Laughs) Me too, yeah. AMIR: I wasn't even going to do this, but I will trade you my food for yours. JAKE: You don't bring food to work. Amir holds up a container of sprinkles and a container of cake frosting. AMIR: Oh, really? Okay, so sprinkles, frosting. Choose ONE! But not both. JAKE: I'll choose neither. AMIR: Okay, good, 'cause these are gonna go great on my sandwich. JAKE: You're not getting the sandwich. AMIR: Jake, listen to me. Joking aside, I need that sandwich. I haven't eaten in several days. Just, please, I'm begging you. JAKE: Oh, god, I know you're serious. Here. Jake starts to pass Amir the sandwich. AMIR: (Laughs) Oh it appears as if the prankee has become the pranker. I have eaten in the last few days, and you know what? You ain't gettin' that sandwich back. JAKE: Said that a little early, didn't you? Now I'm not gonna give you the sandwich. AMIR: W-w-w-w-wait! I'll sell it to you for a joke. Jake shrugs. JAKE: Shut up. AMIR: What's the difference between procrastination and masturbation? Jake starts eating the sandwich. AMIR: You're fucking yourself over. Jake shrugs. AMIR: Both times. END