INTRO: JAKE: Hey- you're watching Jake and Amir. AMIR: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jake and Amir are parked in the RV on a street in LA JAKE: Alright man. That's it. It's been fun... AMIR (getting out of the RV): Later! JAKE: Insane! Amir pats the car and begins to walk away JAKE: You wanna say goodbye? AMIR: Hmm? Amir turns back to the car window AMIR: Oh- arrivederre! JAKE: You have a fun experience? AMIR (holding up two fingers): Chi!? JAKE: A good road trip? Amir laughs JAKE: Hey it's been cool working together, for the last eight years. Amir takes a picture of Jake with his phone JAKE: Do you wanna reflect? On anything? AMIR (nodding): I liked it. He makes a peace sign AMIR: Deuces. JAKE: Hey at least let me shake your hand. AMIR: Actually I fear that if you touch me I will crumble to the ground, in a tidal wave of emotion. So, uh, let's not make this any harder than it needs to be. (Chuckles) Peace. Text me. JAKE: Ok, I get it. AMIR: Get what dude? I am a rock, I am an island, and this isn't sad because I'm not actually thinking about it. Ooooh (voice faltering) JAKE: I'm gonna get out of the car. Jake gets out of the RV AMIR: Do what you gotta do but I'm just warning you that we are getting dangerously close to me confronting the reality of the situation which is that out relationship is actually... Jake embraces Amir AMIR: ...oh... Over... JAKE: You're my boy. You're my boy. AMIR: You're goddamn right I am. Jake lets go of Amir JAKE: Relax. They look at each other JAKE: Text me. AMIR: I will, a lot. (Laughs) JAKE: Not too much. AMIR: A lot. They start moving apart. Jake notices Amir's 'OZENENZ' bag still in the front seat of the RV JAKE: You forgot your odds and ends. Amir turns around JAKE: You keep it. Amir walks away Jake is sitting on the side of the footpath going through the bag, he pulls out a pair of sunglasses CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Sunglasses': Jake is wearing large women's sunglasses JAKE: What are you doing? I put on sunglasses and you put on like the exact same pair. Amir is wearing a similar pair of glasses AMIR: Not the, (laughs) not the exact same pair. Your's are yellow right? I can't, yeah they're yellow right? JAKE: It's like the idea of putting on sunglasses. AMIR: Oh- the idea- CUT TO: Jake sitting looking at the sunglasses: AMIR (O.S.): I didn't- yeah I didn't know you invented sunglasses. Jake puts the glasses down and pulls out a small video camera tape, written on it is: ACE AND JOCELYN ASTRONAUT ACCOUNTANTS FROM OUTERSPACE! EPISODE 5 CUT TO: Clip from 'Ace and Jocelyn - Episode 5': Jake is pointing his finger at Amir JAKE (to Amir): This right here? This is a finger-blasting gun and it shoots invisible lasers and I'm gonna shoot you. PAT: Guys I think I'm blind. AMIR (to Jake): I know... WHAT IT IS! Just relax Ace! Put it down! CUT TO: Jake taking out a box of Chicken McNuggets: Jake opens the box and eats a nugget AMIR (O.S.): All day, every day... CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Nutrition': Amir is sitting at his desk eating a chicken nugget AMIR: ...every hour, got a chicken nugget in my pocket gotta put it in my mouth. Jake and Sarah are sitting at Jake's desk SARAH: Jesus, where did that- where did that even come from? JAKE: He just has them. CUT TO: Jake looking through the bag: Jake pulls out a Rubik's cube JAKE (O.S.): So do you want the Rubik's Cube? CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Rubik's Cube': Amir is sitting at his desk AMIR: Only if you want me to solve the Rubik's cube. THAT depends on whether or not... Jake throws the cube at Amir. It hits him in the nose. Amir clutches his nose CUT TO: Jake playing with the cube: Jake accidently drops the cube and it shatters off screen. Jake pulls out Amir's 'Most Bitchly' badge from brownies JAKE (O.S.): That pin says 'Most Bitchly' CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Brownie': Amir is wearing a girl scouts uniform AMIR (In a high-pitched, whiny voice): Yeah! Jake cringes AMIR: Yeah it does okay? But it's a reminder for me to not be such a bitchly. I'm a little ashamed about it but I keep it on. JAKE: Listen to your voice. AMIR: What? JAKE: Don't let it get to that octave. CUT TO: Jake throwing the badge down: Jake pulls out a gold watch JAKE (O.S.): This is a Rolex! CUT TO: Clip from 'Jake and Amir: Rolex': Jake is sitting at his desk holding up the watch JAKE: It's a Rolex, buddy! AMIR: You know how you're always like, uh, 'what time is it?' Ha... JAKE: I've never said that to you before. AMIR: Well it's time for me to get you a new watch. Jake looks at the watch silently AMIR: Fuck off for not laughing at that you diva, you diva little... I'm sorry, you're a cunt! [Simultaneously] JAKE: You're an ass, you're an asshole. I don't want this gift from you. You're- I'm- shutup dude! AMIR: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that that was obviously a little too much. [Simultaneously] JAKE: You just yelled cunt in the office. How is that okay? Alright, you know what? CUT TO: Jake pulling Amir's canyon note out of the bag: JAKE pulls the note out which says: FUCK OFF JAKE!! YOU RAT COWARD!Jake sighs and returns the note. He gets up and walks away In the new LA office boardroom. Employees are standing around chatting. Amir enters. AMIR (singing): Make way, for prince Amir... The employees start booing and throwing paper at Amir. Someone pulls a chair out from under him and he falls down. Everyone cheers and laughs. Someone helps Amir up and then spits in his face before another employee staples his neck AMIR: Ow! Ow! Jake runs in JAKE: Hey! Hey! Come on! What are you guys doing? This is insane, it's no way to treat somebody on their first day of work. I mean I know you've heard stories about this guy from New York, but, but jeez doesn't he deserve a chance? He took a real big leap of faith coming out here and... the least you guys could do is give him a fresh start. (Looking at Amir) I know one guy in this office who will. EMPLOYEE 1 (coughing): Loser! EMPLOYEE 2: Nice! Boom. The rest laugh as Jake and Amir take their seats at their new desks AMIR: You really wanna work here with me? Heh. JAKE: Yeah, I do. AMIR: ...Pussy. JAKE: Sorry, what? AMIR: You're a pussy... JAKE: Why are you saying that? AMIR: I leave you a bag of trinkets and you're to move across the country for me? JAKE: Are you kidding me? This is insane! AMIR: Oh! A Rubik's cube. Amir starts fake crying JAKE: Oh, shut the fuck up. Alright, tell you what man, the RV is outside! AMIR: Enough. JAKE: I can move back to New York. [Simultaneously] AMIR: No no no no, I'm just joking. AMIR: I was just joking. JAKE: You were just joking...? AMIR: You gotta learn how to take a joke man, I'm serious. I mean, this is LA. JAKE: You gotta learn how to give a joke, cause that's rude. AMIR: Wow... JAKE: What I just did was really nice and then you hit me with the Rubi- you didn't even say thank you. Amir starts to make beeping noises JAKE: Back it up? AMIR: Back it up. Absolutely. TITLE CARD: The End AMIR (O.S.): Let's... start over...