AMIR: Hey, please enjoy this very egg-cellent episode of Jake and Amir! JAKE: Dude, come on. Stop. AMIR: Eggs! [Jake walks in to the office. On Amir's desk is a chicken idly looking around.] JAKE: I think I'm gonna work from home today. [Jake turns to leave, but is stopped by Rick Fox, who restrains Jake with a hand to the face.] RICK: Yeah, you're not going anywhere. JAKE: ...Rick Fox? RICK: I head you're the, uh, chicken whisperer. JAKE: From who? RICK: [points to Josh, who is working in the background] Everyone. JAKE: That's... just-- that's Josh. RICK: Yeah, I need your help. JAKE: What. RICK: My chicken's more than sick. [points to the chicken standing on the desk] It's dead. JAKE: ...That chicken's fine. RICK: ...Oh my God! [Rick laughs with joy and hugs Jake very hard. Amir shows up.] JAKE: Oh! No! AMIR: He saved the goose! What did I tell ya? [Rick lets go of Jake and does a happy chicken dance.] JAKE: Why are you even here, Rick Fox? Did you come to steal more money from Amir? RICK: Actually, dick, I'm here to tell Amir that I'm out of the bookie business. [Amir gasps.] RICK: My beautiful wife, [to Jake] who is not a chicken... JAKE: Didn't say she was. You shouldn't have to clarify that. RICK: She convinced me I need a more honest trade. AMIR: Mm. Yeah, that makes sense. RICK: So I'm just here to collect Amir's eight-thousand-dollar quitting fee. JAKE: Doesn't sound very honest. AMIR: No, it is. Can I PayPal you the money? RICK: Mm. Cash. AMIR: Fair. RICK: I've spent all my life obsessing about... JAKE: Eggs? [Rick stares daggers at Jake.] AMIR: Oh my God. RICK: Why are you always talking about eggs? JAKE: I'm not. AMIR: You-- no, you are, and it's starting to b-- like, it's st-- it's-- JAKE: He brought a chicken to the office! AMIR: It's-- it's enough, alright? I'm getting really pissed off about it. RICK: You are the only one talking about eggs. JAKE: Fine. Fine, what have you spent your entire life obsessing over? RICK: Omelettes! JAKE: ...Omelettes are eggs! Omelettes are eg-- [Rick picks Jake up by the collar.] RICK: What did you say? JAKE: Nothing! Nothing, okay? I'm-- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. RICK: Say it again. Say it one more time. AMIR: Say it to his face! JAKE: I don't want to! You're scaring me, Rick Fox! [Rick chuckles.] RICK: [to the chicken] You hear that, baby? I'm scary! JAKE: What's happening right now? Is that chicken over there your wife? Is that what's going on? You sick fuck! [Elisa Dushku shows up behind Rick Fox.] ELISA: Drop him. [Rick complies.] JAKE: Jesus... Thank you. Thank you, ma'am. I'm glad that I'm not the only person here who thinks this guy is completely-- [Elisa picks up Jake by the collar.] ELISA: What did you say about eggs, motherfucker? JAKE: God. She's crazier. ELISA: Say it. Say it to our face. JAKE: Whose face? RICK: Mine! ELISA: Mine! RICK: His! ELISA: Hers! AMIR: Ours! JAKE: You know what? Fine. Omelettes are eggs. Omelettes are eggs. It's a fact. [Rick and Elisa burst out laughing.] RICK: Next you're gonna tell us chicken nuggets [procures a chicken nugget] are made from real chickens instead of just being named after them! [takes a bite] JAKE: What are you talking about, "being named after" chicken? ELISA: Like an Arnold Palmer isn't made of Arnold Palmer! He's a golfer, not a drink. [to Rick] I learned that the hard way, remember? JAKE: No, chicken nuggets are made of chicken. They kill a chicken, grind up the meat and then shape it into nuggets. [Rick is taken aback. Elisa chuckles, but quickly stops.] ELISA: Come on, baby. Go. Go, go-- [Rick runs to a garbage can and vomits.] RICK: I'm a cannibal! [Rick vomits again, then kneels in front of the chicken.] RICK: [to the chicken] Baby... I want you to kill me. [The chicken squawks.] END