[Clips from the previous episode.] CAPTION: Previously On "Jake and Amir" AMIR: I got us an amazing real estate agent, who will find us an amazing apartment! BEN SCHWARTZ: My name is Cherry Dude! AMIR: We don't want to live in a muffin! BEN: I do have one other listing, but it is absolutely terrible. INTRO BEN: Welcome to Part Two of Juke and Aboot! [Amir chuckles.] JAKE: "Juke and Aboot"? AMIR: It's close enough. [Jake, Amir, and Ben enter a very nice apartment.] BEN: I can't believe we're even in this place. Look at it. It's a dump. [sarcastically] It comes with all the furniture... ugh, and do you smell that? You might want to clog your nose. It smells like fruit. JAKE: ...It smells great. BEN: Well, if you love the smell of this, I got a muffin on Fairfax that'll drive ya wild! AMIR: We don't want to live inside of a muffin. BEN: Can we leave, please? JAKE: Let's move on. See the rest of this place. [Jake puts his hands on Ben's shoulders. Ben pushes them off.] BEN: Another one of the countless things wrong with this place: the TV doesn't even work. [cut to reveal that he's referring to a Foosball table] It's all in black and white, and it only plays soccer. JAKE: This is a Foosball table. BEN: [doing a British accent] Whatever you call it in England, Your Majesty! [Ben jabs Jake in the crotch with one of the bars of the table.] JAKE: Ow! [Jake jabs him back.] BEN: [dreamily] Ahhhhhh... [Ben jabs Amir in the crotch. Amir cackles.] BEN: Wipeout! ...Please say we're done. JAKE: Let's move on! [Ben groans loudly in exasperation.] [Jake, Amir, and Ben all sit down on a bed. Ben's hand is where Jake sits down.] JAKE: Oh! In me! [Ben pulls his hand away, licks his finger, then licks Jake's chest.] JAKE: Ah! On me! BEN: Here's another guest bedroom, but what's the point of having a bed in a room? AMIR: Thank you! JAKE: You're a bad realtor, man. BEN: And you're a bad boy! [reaches over at Jake, infringing on his personal space] JAKE: Ugh, get off me! When did you get your license? BEN: Hmm. [counting on his fingers] I mean honestly, I can't even count-- JAKE: Just tell me the year. BEN: No. I don't know how to count. JAKE: Ah. BEN: I don't know how to count. But, let's all get up! Three, two, heel! [Jake, Amir, and Ben are in the home theater.] BEN: And here, we have your own personal movie theater, but what's the point of jerking off in a movie theater if strangers aren't like "Hey! Hey, this is Frozen! Stop doing that! Cool dick, dude!" JAKE: Did anyone say that second part? BEN: Moving on. AMIR: Whoa, that toilet felt great! It was like a massage chair. BEN: S-- you know what, I think you probably just took a shit on the masseuse. AMIR: Oh, no. BEN: Yeah. Did he talk? AMIR: Yeah, yeah. BEN: Different language? AMIR: Mm-hmm. BEN: Was his name Sven? AMIR: [simultaneously] Sven? Yeah. Damn it. BEN: I can't believe he just let you shit on him... here we go. [leaves] AMIR: That's so dumb of me. JAKE: Yeah. AMIR: Even for me. That's dumb. BEN: So, we have seen apartments today; do we know which way we are leaning? JAKE: Yeah. I think it's pretty obvious. BEN: [open-mouth chewing as he talks] Yeah. I think so. AMIR: Agreed. JAKE: Yeah. BEN: No need to say it! AMIR: Mum's the word! We're all on the same page. BEN: We know which one to get! JAKE: I think so too. BEN: But just in case, should we say it? AMIR: No. BEN: Don't need to. AMIR: Don't need to. BEN: 'Cause we got it. AMIR: Exactly. [Cut to a muffin sitting on a square of artificial turf. Jake and Amir can be heard, presumably from inside the muffin.] JAKE: Are you fucking serious? AMIR: I know! How amazing is this blueberry sun roof? JAKE: It's bad! AMIR: It's fun! It's-- JAKE: It's fun? AMIR: It's friendly; it's different. JAKE: To live here, in a muffin? AMIR: Then get out! If you don't want to live here, get out. JAKE: Fine. Bye. AMIR: Aaaaaah. Don't go anywhere. JAKE: Where's the door? It's a muffin. END