Prologue Voiceover: Previously, on Jake and Amir Amir: Who are you? Ben: I'm the private eye you hired. Cuts to Ben pinning Amir down on the table Ben: Listen, I've printed out all of Drake's likes. You study those, he's going to be best friends with you. Cuts to Ben using chloroform rag to knock out Amir Amir:(grunts) Ben: Sleeeep. Sleep like a baaaaby. intro Amir: Congrats! You're our 1 millionth viewer! Jake: We've had more than a million viewers. Amir: Woah, really? Scene Ben: I'm going to need a lot more chloroform, like 40 bottles. You know what Howard? I think I've had enough of your bullshit. Ben places chloroform rag on phone Ben: Did that work? No, okay then just like a bunch more bottles- Amir: SHHHHHH Ben: (quietly) Okay, couple more bottles. Amir: SHHERRH... Jake, Umm, what are you thinking about later I'm thinking of having a Sprite. Do you think, do you think that? Jake: I think you should keep that to yourself. Amir: Me too, that's why I'm going to. Jake: Okay. Amir: Umm I don't know, I just felt like we can chill... in... Toronto, Ontario, Canada your home town... Small pause, Jake is about to talk Amir: AND WE CAN HAVE SPRITE. Jake: You think I'm from Toronto? And you think I want to go there, right now... to have sprite? Amir looks at Ben, hiding under the desk Amir: Alright you're really fucking me on this man. Ben: Hmm? What are you talking about? Amir: What am I talking about? None of this information is right! That's what I'm talking about. Ben: (very quickly, mumbling) what you talking about? Amir: Okay? Ben: That's everything you need to know about Drake. Amir: Who's Drake? Ben: You know Drake! He sings that song tut ... (singing) hey yo my name is Draaaake... do you know my buddyyy Samuelllll. He's got a Razor scooterrr... (shouting) GO SAMUEL, YOU'RE DOING- Amir kicks Ben Amir: SHHH- Ben: OWWWW... maaaan- Ben+Amir: (in unison, Amir trying to talk over Ben) I... HAVE A... SMALLL... PENISSSS Ben smirks Amir: So... do you like hanging out with hip-hop moguls? Jake pauses, looking confused Jake: Why'd you just say you had a small penis? Amir: I didn't! You..lik.. I was talking about.. err.. bird man. Jake: (takes headphones off, angrily) Bird man?! Amir: Bird ma... no, what? Coz you're coz (mumbles) coz your hip-hip-hop career. Meanwhile, Ben stands up behind Jake Jake: My hip-ho- I don't have a hip-hop career. Ben points at Jake, insinuating he will use the chloroform rag on him to Amir Jake: Alright? Amir: No- Jake: No? Amir: No Jake: Yeah, no you're right, I'm going back to work then. Ben, meanwhile, still behind Jake and planning to chloroform him Amir: NOO! Jake: No, I can't go back to work? Amir: Yeahhh (frustrated breath noise)... NOO... No... Ben realises Amir means no to him, looks dismayed Amir: NO. Jake: ...I'm not talking. Ben drops rag and joins conversation Ben: Hey, what do you guys think about Drake? Amir laughs Jake: (confused) Who the hell are you? Ben: Me? ...look at me right now, maybe you'll remember Ben undoes one button of his shirt Amir: (with smile on his face) Oh yeah. Ben: My name isss... (struggling to think of a name) Joooooope. Amir's mouth open listening intently to Ben think of a name Jake: (disbelieving tone) JOPE? Ben: Yep. Err.. I don't know why the hell I'm here, but I'll tell you one thing... I caaan't (whispers in Jake's ear) get enough of that guy Drake! Jake: Don't- Amir: (quietly, in agreement) yeah- Jake: speak so close to me! Who's Drake? Amir: (singing) You seee nothing but Samuellll. Jake: That's Drake? Ben: Yeah. Jake: Okay I'm g- Ben: We should go to a Drake concert! Amir: Alrigh- Jake: Why would we go to a Drake concert? (Ben cuts in) We have work. Ben: Because it'd be so much fun, for frie- Jake: I don't want to go to a Drake concert- Amir is smiling mouth-open with joy watching the playful confrontation Ben: I... I (raising voice) THINK YOU DO WANT TO COME TO A DRAKE CONCERT. Jake: (raises voice too) I ACTUALLY DO NOT WANT TO GO- Ben: I'M ALMOST POSITIVE YOU WANNA... FUCKING DRAKE CONC- Ben grabs Jake by the testicles and lifts him out of his seat angrily Jake: (In pain) AHHH... OH MY GOD... Ben: HUH? Amir gasps with surprise, holding his hand over his mouth Ben suspends Jake in the air by the testicles Jake: AHH... AHH Ben: HUH? Jake: (speaking quickly, due to the pain) OKAY! I'll go to the Drake concert- Ben: YEAH Jake: (speaking very quickly) I'll go to the Drake concert- Ben: (loudly) YEAH, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE MY FRIEND ON LINKEDIN- Jake: (mumbling) FINE I'LL BE YOUR FRIE- Ben: (agressively, forcing Jake to agree) MY BEST FRIEND (Jake interrupts and repeats what Ben says) ON LINKEDIN. Ben puts Jake back down Amir: I thought I was gonna be your best fri- Ben: You can have TWO best friends on LinkedIn... Jake is breathing heavily, recovering from the pain Ben: Come on 'mir 'mirsss.... we're gonna have so much fuuuuun. Jake: (Looking out of breath and agreeing to avoid confrontation) Okay we'll have fun- Ben: Before we go we should probably sleep. Ben chloroforms Jake, causing him to collapse Ben: Take a lil sleep Ben collapses from the chloroform too Banging noise as Jake and Ben hit their heads on the desk Amir pulls out his own rag of chloroform and uses it on himself, tilting back in his chair and passing out END