Jake: You're watching the first new episode of Jake and Amir. Amir: Wow, you're still making these? Jake: Rude. Jake: It's gonna be okay, Jake. This is gonna be… good. Amir: It's nice to be funemployed, but I figure we should come up with some podcast ideas, you know, in order to make bank. Jake: Well, I don't know if we're gonna make bank. It's like a stopgap until we get to the next thing. Amir: Cereal? Jake: Not an original podcast idea. Amir: Oh, sorry, this is my grocery list. Serial? Season 3? What's the one thing we're good at, like as men? Jake: You're not good at anything. Amir: That's it! Wait, say that again. Jake: No. Amir: It's perfect! It's absolutely perfect. Jake: You're forcing an epiphany, okay? But you're not actually having— Amir: Wait wait no, fuck you for a second. Oh my God, you lovable twat. I could kiss you. Jake: Yeah, you're not going to. Yeah. Amir: Oh, what's the worst part of being a man? Jake: I don't know, dude. How are you getting more toxic? Amir: Volunteerism. Jake: What's the podcast? Amir: The what? Not really a podcast idea per se, but have you ever seen a turtle bite a child? Jake: I don't know if any of these ideas have been podcast ideas yet. Amir: It's more like the child is in distress and scared. Jake: You're an evil guy. Amir: Well, that sucks to say to me out loud. Ever heard of subverting the medium? Jake: Yeah, I don't think you know the medium that we're working in right now. Amir: Right, shut up. So instead of talking into microphones, we would sing into it, set to music. Jake: That's an album. Amir: No, it's not. It's 10 individual musical mini-sodes. Jake: They're short, right? Amir: Yeah, that are three minutes each. Jake: Yeah, how is this different than an album? Amir: Because it's brought to you by Manscaped. Jake: Oh my God, man. You have so many pubes. Amir: Everybody's selling used cars, you know? So why don't we build a disruptor style app that sells new cars? We can call it, I don't know, fucking iCarly. Jake: Great, yeah, that's just a bad idea for an app. All right, you're getting further away from podcasts and you should just be going to a dermatologist or a urologist 'cause you have hair growing out of the hole of your dick. Amir: Something about being rich and famous just kind of, I don't know, appeals to me. Jake: Yeah, I know. Amir: I'm down to give it a try, is all. Jake: You're down to give it a shot? Amir: Yeah. Jake: You wanna give it a shot? One of the hardest things for people to do that everybody wants? You're down to give it a try? Amir: I'm kinda down to fuck with a yacht. Jake: Good, all right. Amir: And you're kinda down to not. Jake: Why don't you come up with an idea? Amir: A what idea? Jake: Okay, how about an interview show, but instead of sitting in a room, you're on a walk or a hike. It's called Walk and Talk. Amir: Pass. What about donating cum? Jake: Don't just dismiss me. I actually came up with a podcast idea. Amir: What, donating semen? Jake: No, Walk and Talk. Amir: So what happens, you jerk off into a glass and someone gives you a hundred bucks? Jake: You're still thinking about your idea. Amir: Exqueef? Jake: How? Amir: How about this, negative Nancy? Let's just role play for a second. Pretend I pitched you a good idea. Do you know how you'd react to that? Jake: Yeah, I would say, "Good job, good idea." Amir: Oh! Jake: Don't be happy. Amir: Not really a podcast idea, but selling oil or cum? Jake: Stop pitching things that start with "not really a podcast idea." And stop pitching selling your seed. Amir: Sperm, yeah, but— Jake: It's the same. Amir: Understood. Jake: It's the same thing. Amir: Asked and answered. Jake: Asked and answered, then stop pitching it. Amir: Okay. Fucking hate you. Jake: Can you... Amir: Not really a "selling your semen idea," Jake: Great. Amir: But we can order a juice, is what I was gonna say. What did you call me? What did you say? Jake: Nothing, I said "great." Amir: What about getting two mics, an engineer, and we could just, I don't know, chit-chat. Jake: Yeah, you finally know what a podcast is, but we still don't have an idea. Amir: You don't need an idea. All you need is to think that you're funny and to have a podcast. Case closed. Now let's get out of here. I have to make a deposit at the bank. Jake: Yeah, I'm not running errands with you, okay? You're not mobile checking or something. Amir: Mobile check this! Jake: Ew, it splashed on me. Amir: It's basically sealed!