Opening Sequence Amir: When I say Jake, you say Amir. Jake. (Silence) Amir: Wow, I hate you. Episode (Jake, Amir and some others are sitting in a room) Amir: Alright guys, thanks for coming to El Meeting. Vincent: Uh, you didn't call this meeting. Amir: Uh, I know, I'm just thanking people for coming to it. Or is it illegal to thank people ya fat prick? (New Scene) Jake: Okay, we just need to plan this intern appreciation surprise party. Amir: (Lifting Jake's arm) Exactly, me and my boyfriend were talking about it— Jake: (Angrily jerking back his arm) Ugh, what the hell are you doing! Amir: What? Jake: I'm not you're boyfriend. Amir: Oh my god, sorry, you're a boy and you're my friend. Relax, I misspoke. Jake: Okay, so you're justifying it or you misspoke? Which one? Amir: Yes. (New Scene) (Amir is being restrained and screaming at Jeff.) Amir: —fucking face you Jew! Give me a reason to kill you! (New Scene) (Everything is back and calm) Dan: Alright, so how do we get the interns in there without them knowing it's a party. Amir: (Laughs) I'm sorry, who are you? Dan: Uhm, Dan, I've worked here almost three years dude. Amir: Oh, dude, okay, dude, this is how we do things around here bud. Round 1: when you..err (knocks on table). Wow, totally spaced out. Uh, no, but, he uh, B-Brad said something good which was, uh, that, say that one more time? How are we going to get them there without them knowing that it's a, cause it's a surprise... He's uh... New guy made a dec' point! (Talking in high pitch) Holy crap, sound the alarms! (New Scene) (Amir is being restrained and screaming at Jeff again.) Amir: I wanna diiie! Hit me you fu— (New Scene) (Everything is back and calm) Jeff: A lot of the interns are under 21, so we're go— Amir: So you can't fuck 'em. Jeff: So we're gonna have to be careful with alcohol. Amir: (Speaking to Jake) You said I couldn't fuck 'em! Everyone but Amir and Dan: You can't fuck them! Dan: (Simultaneously with everyone else) You can't butt fuck them! Amir: I know! Relax, moms. (New Scene) Pat: Yeah I can call the karaoke place, but someone else has to dial for me because Amir broke my fingers— Amir: Are we married to the karaoke idea? Because it sounds like a sausage fest, and gay marriage is illegal in New York (laughs). Nothing, huh? No laughter, but if Jake says it everyone's fucking cracking up I bet. Jake: They wouldn't crack up. Amir: I would be! I would be. (New Scene) Amir: (Rapping) And we, appreciate you interns, wanna jump up and down, wanna move you to the left like a glass of Pepto Bismol, ain't no— Dan: Okay yeah you shouldn't freestyle at the party, that was really bad. Amir: Okay I think it was bad too, man. (New Scene) (Amir is being restrained and screaming at Jeff again.) Amir: Hit me in the fucking face! (New Scene) Pat: So, if the room is 300 dollars for the night— Amir: I'm sorry, do I have to be here anymore? Everyone else: No! Amir: Fuck it! I'm staying, just, can we please (gesturing and trying to whistle) hurry it up? (Speaking to Jake) Can you whistle when I do that cause I can only... (tries to whistle again) Jake: No. Outro (Amir is walking by some interns sitting at a table) Amir: Thursday night, surprise party. Intern: What? Amir: Thursday night, surprise party, so. Run by moi, for yoi, so. Act grateful. (Claps) And surprised. (Camera pans to Jake, who looks annoyed)