INTRO AMIR: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. JAKE: Cool, good job. AMIR: I know it kills you to see me doing so well. AMIR: Oh, by the dubs, who won the Oscar pool? JAKE: You mean the one that I organized, that I set up? (in a weird voice) Uh-oh, spaghetti sauce. (normal voice) I did. AMIR: Hehehe, why uh-oh? JAKE: Oh, cuz everybody's gonna be all like oh wait, you collected all the money. Um. What's that about?, you know? Haters gonna hate, players gonna play. AMIR: Hehe...you just, you said you were gonna send out an email with how everyone did, and you never did. So.. JAKE: (singing) Go on, take the money and run. AMIR: Hahahahaha. JAKE: (singing) Go on, take the money - (talking) I forgot to send out the email. I did. But trust me, there's no trickery afoot. (in a weird voice, and with hand gestures like a president) I did not make sexual steals with that Oscars. That's a campaign promise. AMIR: I never said you stole or cheated or any- JAKE: Good, cuz I didn't. And i have the text to prove it. AMIR: Okay. Not that you cheated, what text though? JAKE: My sister texted me congratulations AFTER she found out that I won the Oscar pool. That's how you know my picks were locked in. Otherwise, why would she be proud of me? AMIR: What?? JAKE: What? A but? In your butt? Oh my goodness. Ah. Ah. Ah. AMIR: Hahaha. Let me see the text. JAKE: Here's a question, I won enough money last night to legit hire a hit man to kill you. Is that scary? AMIR: I guess so, I mean, is that even true? You won like 200 dollars. JAKE: Yeah, but I won second place too. AMIR: How- You said everyone could only submit one, right? JAKE: Yeah, and you said you weren't gonna be a little bitch today. But looks like everyone's breaking their promises left and right. Okay, you owe me another 20 bucks, by the way. AMIR: Why? JAKE: Losing fee! AMIR: I already paid you 20 dollars to enter. JAKE: Yeah, to enter! That's the entrance fee! You owe me a losing fee! (Amir starts to cry) JAKE: Don't cry. You're gonna owe me a 50 dollar bitch fee if you cry. AMIR: (through tears) I can't afford the bitch fee. JAKE: You be - ohmygod, you're being such a bitch. STREETER: Ooh, guys, what's uh, what's going on? JAKE: Amir's crying cuz I futt-bucked [sic] him at the Oscar pool. AMIR: No. STREETER: Oh yeah! The Oscar pool! You never sent that email, man. How'd I do? JAKE: On a scale of one to third? STREETER: Yeah. JAKE: You didn't. Okay? Sorry. STREETER: Oh. okay. Well, how'd you do, then? JAKE: Oh, I uh...uh...uh...uh...CAME, in first, second AND turd. As in, you guys need to learn how to be funny. AMIR: Ok, I'm trying! STREETER: K, I want my money back, Jake. JAKE: Ok, sorry bro, I actually already spent it on these boots. AMIR: Those are actually pretty tight. JAKE: (bowing) Namaste. STREETER: Okay, you bought those boots ten days ago, man. The day AFTER you collected my money for the Oscar picks. JAKE: (singing and bouncing up and down) These boots are made for f**king. (Amir starts bouncing up and down in a similar manner) That's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna skeet [sic] all over you, oh! STREETER: Nobody likes you guys. JAKE AND AMIR: We know!