INTRO: AMIR: Oy, you're watching Jake and Amir, and we filmed this in Spain! (somewhat Australian accent) JAKE: Wow. [Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks.] AMIR: Jake, I am about to say something that's gonna blow your mind. Give me like, ten minutes. (The video cuts to a black screen with text that says TEN MINUTES LATER.) AMIR: Ekaj. JAKE: My name backwards. Clever. AMIR: What? JAKE: You know what, man? AMIR: For sure, for sure. JAKE: No, I haven't said anything yet. AMIR: I know, absolutely. JAKE: I love baseball. AMIR: (in a silly voice) I love baseball. (laughs). Yeah, I love baseballs. I love all the baseballs too, so. JAKE: Derek Jeter? AMIR: Yeah? JAKE: My all-time favorite player. AMIR: Yeah. My-he's-me-the-bom--he's the bomb. At his position, for his price, he's the number-one bomb. JAKE: I hate Derek Jeter. AMIR: I hate him. I hate.. him. He's like--ugh, nobody; the only person who hates him more than you is me, and that's saying a lot.. of.. stuff-- JAKE: I like him. AMIR: He's good. I like him just fine, I was just.. Once you think about it you start to like him more and then I started to think about him and nowIllowIllike him. JAKE: I hate ice cream. AMIR: It tastes like a mouth.. it's like a mouthfull of buttholes in my mouth. It tastes like acid. JAKE: I think it's delicious. AMIR: I think it tastes like delicious acid. JAKE: It tastes like ass. AMIR: Yeah, I think it tastes like delicious ass, is what I meant. JAKE: No, in a bad way. AMIR: I said acid but I meant--Yeah in a bad way, an awful way--I mean, can you--(raising his voice in frustration) for crying out loudly, can you STOP?! JAKE: ...Stop doing what? AMIR: You keep like chan- I dunno you're like a flip-flopper and then I can't decide what I like, because you're always all over the place. JAKE: Cuz you need to base your opinions off of mine. AMIR: Yes. JAKE: Because you don't have any thoughts or opinions of your own. AMIR: Right, obviously. JAKE: And you think that stealing mine is-- AMIR: Yes, when I steal yours it makes us better friends because we have the same opinion, I mean what don't you GET? JAKE: I don't get why you're being so honest about it. AMIR: (exasperated) Oh, my g--(sarcastic) Okay, let me formulate my own opinions, right? And then maybe if they match we can POSSIBLY bes- I mean just listen to myself it sounds like CRAZY-- END. OUTRO: JAKE: I hate nuggets. AMIR: Don't.