INT. OFFICE- DAY Jake and Amir sit across from eachother. Amir is in a tuxedo. He lifts up a one hundred dollar bill on fire and lights a cigar. AMIR: It's good to be the king! JAKE: You shouldn't be doing that. AMIR: It's not a JOINT. Besides, I CAN AFFORD IT. JAKE: No it's like illegal. In New York. To smoke in a building. AMIR: Shit. (extinguishes) Really? I don't wanna get in trouble. Not today. Amir takes out a LITTLE HAND HELD FAN. JAKE: Why do you have one of those? AMIR: Now that I'm a rich bitch, I can buy anything I want. JAKE: And one of the things you wanted was a tiny fan? AMIR: Yeah! JAKE: How are you rich? AMIR: Great question! JAKE: Nevermind. AMIR: How many almonds would you say is the perfect amount? JAKE: I said nevermind. AMIR: I wanna know. JAKE: I dunno. Two dozen? AMIR: I am the proud owner of OneAlmond.com. JAKE: What do you think I said? AMIR: Huh? JAKE: When you asked me how much is the perfect amount of Almonds, what do you think I said? AMIR: Lemme rephrase that -- How much do you think Google.com is worth? JAKE: Billions. Tens of Billions of Dollars. AMIR: And OneAlmond.com? JAKE: Zero dollars. AMIR: Zero dollars or zero BILLION dollars? JAKE: Both. Zero dollars. AMIR: (hand extended) How much would you pay for court seats at the Yankees? Gun to your head how much would you pay for court seats to the Yankees. JAKE: Don't put your hand up like that. AMIR: How much would you pay? JAKE: Put your hand down, that's... irritating me. AMIR: What, why? JAKE: It's like AMIR: Invading your space? JAKE: Yeah, it's like you're challenging me. Your interrupting me as you want me to speak and it makes me angry. AMIR: What is it about One Almond that's just perfect? JAKE: I don't know. Nothing? AMIR: Don't just say nothing. Cause it's not just a domain name, I'm building an empire. JAKE: Right now it's a photo of you, holding a single walnut. AMIR: Almond. JAKE: It's not. AMIR: Ok you know what? No. How about no. For once, you're gonna tell me what you really think. Cause I'm a God damn genius and I'm tired of feeling like a chump in your eyes. JAKE: I'm jealous, ok? I'm jealous I didn't think of onealmond.com first because I think it's a great idea and it's gonna be worth billions. I'm just being negative cause I'm jealous, there, that's it. Let's drop it. AMIR: You mean that? JAKE: Yeah. AMIR (picks up his phone) Hey Danny? Yup, I talked to a colleague with a more level head as you suggested and guess what? HE AGREED WITH ME BITCH! SO TAKE YOUR OFFER AND GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH IT! I DON'T CARE IF MY ATTITUDE IS CLOSING THE DOOR FOR FUTURE NEGOTIATIONS! YOU'RE A RAT WEASLE. YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, AND MAYBE NOT ALWAYS WILL BE BUT TO ME YOU WILL AT LEAST BE ONE. Double your offer!? DOUBLE YOUR BYE BYE! JAKE: What's going on? AMIR: Some billionaire real estate mogul called me this morning -- he's building a luxury highrise on ONE ALMOND street and offered me 1.5 million for the domain name, let alone the pic of me with that cashew or whatever the fuck. JAKE: Walnut. AMIR: Either way. I felt like I was sitting on a goldmine, and now my notion has been confirmed by YOU, my best friend. SO I guess I have you to SPANK for that. Amir starts getting up. JAKE: Sit down. Do not come over here to spank me. AMIR: But I must. I must Spank you very much. JAKE: Sit the fuck down dude, you're making me nervous. Amir slides under the table. JAKE: GET AWAY FROM ME DUDE!!! THE END POST SCRIPT: Amir trying desperately and realistically to spank Jake.