Amir: Jake and Amir long story short-- Jake: Late. Amir: Okay (Amir walks in, wearing a USA outfit and holding a vuvuzela) Jake: Six hours late-- Amir: Guess where I'm going today Jake: I know where you think you're going, the Olympics, but you're not. Amir: Correctanundo! The Olintics! Jake: Why don't you say the reasons you think you're going to the Olympics, and I'll say the reasons you're not. Amir: Speed. Jake: No plane ticket. Amir: Honor. Jake: No event tickets. Amir(pointing at USA emblem on jacket): U. SS. R. Jake: You don't have a legal passport or birth certificate to travel anywhere. Amir: You mean to tell me I have to buy shit. Jake: Yeah, you do, and you're clearly not opposed to buying shit because I bet that costume wasn't cheap. Amir: 330 euro, yeah, and that was without international shipping and processing! Jake: Why would you ship that American costume internationally? Amir: Because I was gonna pick it up in bloody old England, dumbass! Jake: So what happened?! Amir: Shit happened! Okay? Life got in the way! Jake: Where do you get confidence from? Amir: What? Jake: Where do you get your confidence from? Amir: Huh? Jake: Can you not hear me? Amir: No! Jake: You're always wrong-- Amir: Yeah. Jake: You're always wrong-- Amir: Okay. Jake: Yet you're overflowing with confidence! Amir: That's a humble brag. (Several seconds of silence) Jake: Go home. Amir: I started a Twitter account! Jake: Fine. Amir: Oooh! I was gonna save it for you birthday! Jake: It would've been a bad gift. Amir: Yeah well wait 'til you hear what the username is! Jake: What. Amir: USA Rice! Jake: How was that gonna be my birthday gift? Amir: USARice is fun. He's fun and happy and he's positive and he's everything that I'm not and if you're just gonna shit on him then you're a grinch now. Jake: Yup, here we go, first tweet: The sun is shining, the grass is green, and guess what's for breakfast? Anything is possible. Amir(cutting him off): Anything is possible, yeah! Jake: How is this a gift?! Amir: Don't even make me feel a little bit bad about any of these tweets, okay! Otherwise I'll delete my entire freaking account. Jake: Feel stupid about all of these tweets! Especially this one that says I'm from the USA but I'm voting for Rice. That's not fun or positive. That's just a bad tweet that you made. Amir: Negative! Poison! Jake: Go to the Olympics! Amir: I wish I could, honestly, but you've been waterboarding me with so much haterade that I don't know if I can get my mojo going enough to bring me or the youth group to merry old Scotland! Jake: England. Amir: Close enough. Jake: I guess, what youth group? Amir: I sponsored a teen tour! Jake: Stop yelling weird shit at me. Amir: I'm supposed to chaperone 20 youngsters from all over the states and bring them to the Olympics. Jake: You know what, I'm gonna call bullshit on that one too. (Pan up to a group of children) Kid: I can't wait to kiss Michael Phelps. As promised! (winks) Jake: Wow, how many of you guys did he promise a kiss from Michael Phelps? (All of them raise hands) Amir: Liars! Jake: Awful. Kids(chanting): USA! USA! USA! Amir: USSR! USSR!