JAKE and SARAH: (Laughing) JAKE: Oh my god... AMIR: I'm still here. JAKE: (sighs) SARAH: Let's give Amir the quiz. JAKE: No, it's just going to be depressing. AMIR: What kind of quiz is it? SARAH: It's a nutrition quiz, you like put in what you eat and it tells you how long you have to live. AMIR: (laughs) Oh wow, me and Jake took a quiz once... JAKE: No we didn't. AMIR:...and it told us which Sex in the City's character we were. So don't think you're special or unique. JAKE: Okay here you go, question one. How often do you eat vegetables? AMIR: Ten times a day. SARAH: Really? Good job. JAKE: You don't eat vegetables ten times a day. AMIR: Oh, I thought you said how much do you eat every day and that Vegetables was your nickname for me. SARAH: (laughs) JAKE: No, he's being serious. How much fruit do you eat? AMIR: Well is barbeque sauce a fruit, cause it's red and... SARAH: No... AMIR: What, er... JAKE: Kay, she's being polite. She meant to say, "Of course it's not, obviously, you fucking retard." AMIR: Alright, what about fries? Er, that's a potato, er, er apples? Or ketchup! SARAH: Well apples, apples are a fruit. AMIR: Eh, okay. Still zero then. JAKE: Okay, I'll skip this question about vitamins because I assume you don't know what those are. AMIR: Thank you soul mate. SARAH: Alright, uh, how many times do you eat fast food in a week? AMIR: ...Sparingly. SARAH: Oh, that's great! JAKE: No, watch this. Amir, what does "sparingly" mean? AMIR: All day, every day, every hour, got a chicken nugget in my pocket gotta put it in my mouth. SARAH: Jesus, where did that, where did that even come from? JAKE: He just has them. AMIR: Hey, anyway, what's it say? How long do I got? Sixty years? Two hundred years? JAKE: Stop. AMIR: Three hundred years? JAKE: According to this, you should have been dead ten years ago. AMIR: Living on borrowed time. Pretty chill, pretty poetic. SARAH: Yeah, no, you should watch what you eat, Amir. AMIR: I do watch. I watch it go...in my mouth! JAKE: See, you don't even do that. AMIR: Whateva. JAKE: Will you at least pick that up? AMIR: Five minute rule. (edit: formatting)