Amir: Hey, you're watching Jake and who knows. Jake: It's Amir, right? Amir: Yeah. Jake: Hey, can you please not? Amir: I'm sorry? Jake: Yeah, just not today. Amir: Would you get along with me if I had a different name? No, I'm serious. If I wasn't an Amir, would you still take me in vain? Jake: I probably would still not get along with you, yeah. Amir: Simon? Jake: I think I hate you regardless of what your name is. Amir: But maybe not. Jake: Let's just say definitely not, so you shut up. Amir: So I shut up… Simon? Jake: Yes! So you shut up, Simon. Amir: Yeah. Jake: Yeah. Amir: How did that feel to you? Jake: Bad. Amir: Greg or whatever Jake: Greg, yeah. You still stabbed me, Greg. Do you remember that? You kicked my tongue off, Maury. Amir: That was a Maury move. Jake: But it was you. It was your foot, no matter what your name is. Amir: Yeah, exactly. Carl. Jake: Carl, fuck you, Carl. You're a piece of shit, Arthur. Yeah, it feels the same. It really does. Amir: Any low-hanging fruit I can change about myself in conjunction with the name just so we're kicking two birds with one stone? Jake: You could start washing your hands after you piss or shit. You almost constantly have giardia because I think you're ingesting small bits of fecal matter. Amir: That's it? Jake: Obviously that's not it. I despise you and I have many reasons to, right? Amir: Davis, right. Jake: You're a crazy combination of insecure and confident, swinging wildly between the two at all of the worst times, Curtis. Amir: Todd— Crudice. Jake: That's another thing, you're a bad listener. 'Cause I said \"Curtis\" and you said \"Crudice\" back to me, right? And you're doing this active listening thing, Daniel, which isn't working, 'cause it's actually more of like interrupting, isn't it, Lee? Amir: I'm barely listening. Jake: You're not listening at all— Amir: —at all, Damien. Jake: And you're interrupting your own learning. Amir: For sure. For sure. Jake: And it makes you very, very stupid, Corey. Amir: Corey, yes, exactly, Corey. Jake: And if you died, Corey, no one would miss Corey. No one would care, positively or negatively, which is worse than being a villain. Like you're not even a menace to society. Amir: I'm a Dennis to society. Jake: Yeah, you're a nothing man. Amir: That one was trending towards just an insult without the constructive feedback, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Jake: You can't read, Reed. Amir: Meaning? Jake: You're incapable of joy, Joy. You're shitty, Smitty. Amir: Smithy! Jake: There you are with the listening thing again, right? I said— Amir: \"Smithy.\" \"Schmitty.\" Jake: Shitty. Amir: What did you call me? Jake: What was that? Are you playing a piano? You trying to slam your fists in anger? Amir: Yeah. Jake: Would you make a fist? Can your hands close? No, down, hard on the desk. Okay, so you're too quick to anger, but you still don't know how to express it appropriately, Miles. Amir: I thought it would be an easy fix, like closing all the tabs on my browser or some shit. Jake: Nobody in this world loves you, and no one ever will. Amir: I can get a tight fade. Jake: It's not your hair, it's your soul. Amir: Marcus. Jake: Marcus. Amir: Marcus. Jake: Marcus. Amir: Marcus. Marcus. Marcus. Marcus! Marcus! Jake: That's one thing, man. You can get a good chant going. Everyone: Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! Mar— Jake: Okay, you almost always have food poisoning or giardia from it. Amir: That's it? That one's pretty bad. But no, there's a lot of other ones. That's it? Jake: No. Amir: I'm a frog. Jake: You're a fish. Amir: That's it? There's no reason for that.