[Introduction] Amir: Hey, you're watching Jake's phone number. Jake: What are you talking about? Amir: I'm talking about 2031- Jake (interrupting Amir): Okay! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! [Jake is sitting at a table in front of a rolling video camera] Jake: Hi Mom, happy mother's day. I'm sorry I couldn't come home. But- But I'm gonna make you this video card, and I wrote and acrostic poem for you. Here it is: Laura. L is for your long hair- (Amir interrupts by sitting next to Jake and singing) Amir: L is for the way you look- Jake: What are you doing? Amir: at me! Jake: What are you doing?! Amir: O- What do you mean what am I doing, isn't it obvious? I'm showing you up. Jake: How? Amir: It's- It's a song. Which is like poetry, except it's not gay, 'cause you sing it. Jake: Poetry's not gay. Amir (singing): Isn't it ga- Jake (interrupting): It's not. Amir: Kay, so... Jake: A is for your arms, young and strong. (Amir laughs) Jake: What? Amir: That was bad. (laughs) Jake: What would you have said? Amir: Aura. [Jump cut] Jake: A is for aura. Young and strong. U is for umbrella- Amir (interrupts, laughing): Wow, umbrella? Jake: Come on. Amir: U should be for uninspired, or unapologetically underwhelming. YOU should go back to poetry school. Jake: Don't just insult me, alright? God! It's easy to say un-this or un-that, but theres no un that's a positive that I could use in the video. Amir: What about... [Jump cut] Jake: U is for unyielding, in your unrelating love. Amir: unrelenting. Jake: What? Amir: Unrelenting. Jake: Unre- I said that, you f***! [Jump cut] Jake: U is for unyielding, in your unrelenting love. And R is for... Just tell me what you have here, I hate mine. (Amir looks at the page, laughs and spits all over Jake) Jake: Oh! You spit all over me! Shu- Shut up. This is a rough draft. Amir (still laughing): Still. Rigatoni? Jake: It's a pasta she used to make. Amir: Really? Jake: Spaghetti, but that doesn't start with an R, alright? Amir: Yeah, that's close enough. I'm sure she'd appreciate that. [Jump cut] Jake: R is for raising me. A gift that you continued to give me throughout my childhood. A is for arms- Amir: Again. Jake: Yup. Amir: Arms again... Jake: She has two, right? Does she have two arms? How many arms does she have? Amir: I think she has two, but- Jake: Okay. (Jake and Amir banter and mumble to each other) Amir: Go for it then. Jake: I am gonna go for it. Amir: Because it's gonna be good when you say it twice. Jake: I will. (more banter) Amir: Yeah, I'm sure she loves you whether you say arms twice. [Jump cut] Jake: A is for appreciation, which I owe you eternally. Happy mother's day. Amir: Jake also got you a gift card for $100 to a spa. Jake: I didn't do that, so don't- Amir (Shows Jake a gift certificate): Yes, you did. Jake (grabbing the card from Amir): I did! Yes I did. Alright, love you mom. (Jake turns off the recording) Amir: So... Jake: This is great. Thanks, man. Amir: No probs. Jake: What did you get your mom? Amir: I didn't get her anything, because mother's day is a Hallmark holiday. So... Jake: Wow... Didn't you say it's also her birthday? Amir: It is also her birthday, yes. Jake: Okay... Amir: Two Hallmark holidays for the price of one. Free! (laughs) Jake: 'Cause why expend shit? Amir: 'Cause I ain't spendin' anythin'! (tries to take the card away from Jake) Can I get that card back, actually, because it's also her anniversary- Jake: Okay, no. Because you already gave it to me. Amir: Well it already expired!