Intro: Amir: Hi, you're watching Jake and Quincy. Jake: That's half right. Amir: I'm Jake. Jake: So totally wrong. Office: Amir: Hey Pat you're a dummy ass, so. Did you hear that? Jake: You were just mean to Pat. Amir: Mean to him? I was insulting him. Jake: So yes. Amir: Yeah, definitely, yes, of course! Jake: I guess why? Amir: We're all basically on a level playing field, right? So I make people feel worse about themselves, suddenly 'hey, this is pretty neat, I'm like a good guy all of a sudden' I feel better about myself when I put other people down. It like masks my insecurities. Jake: I'm depressed that you get it, yet you still wanna do it. Amir: Dinner tonight? Jake: No. Amir: Can't, either, me neither., so...Jake and now you ask me why. Jake: I'm not curious. Amir: Good question. Jake: Didn't ask a question. Amir: I'm doing the Master's Cleanse. Jake: That's like, where you only drink water for a week? Amir: No no, that's the Master's Cleanse. Jake: That's what you said. Amir: Yeah. I'm doing the Master's Master Cleanse. Which is nothing. No food, no water, for masters, by masters, four masters. Jake: So you're not gonna drink anything or eat anything for a week? Amir: No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Two weeks. Jake: But I was right about not eating or drinking anything? Amir: Yes, correct. Jake: Yes. Amir: Yes. Jake: Yes. Amir: Yes. Jake: Why? Amir: I've been eating unhealthy, right, for like ever, always. Yeah forever. Yeah yeah. So like, now I don't eat anything for 21 days. Jake: Sounds like three weeks. Amir: Right. And all of a sudden, hey! I'm in ship shape now, I'm completely healthy, I'm cleansed. And I can re-introduce all the bad stuff that I've been eating, only make it worse. Suddenly my options are more limitless, like I can have bacon fat, or butter fat, or carrot sticks DIPPED in milk, DIPPED- Jake: Shut up! Amir: Ok. Jake: I mean you're not gonna be able to keep that up. Amir: Keep on hating, J. Witz, because what you say strengthens my resolve. Thanks for making me a fighter. Jake: That's Christina Aguilera lyrics Amir: Nah. Jake: Yeah. I mean you're eating a bag of chips right now. Amir: I was starving!