INTRO Jake - Hey, you're watching Jak- get your hands out of my pockets. AMIR: I'm looking for something! JAKE: I don't care. JAKE (to the tune of Caress Me Down): Mucho gusto, mi ilamo hungria. I'm hungria than Ron J- hey, does anybody want any food cos I'm ordering some AMIR: SUP! JAKE: You sure you wanna order get man? You got a lot of breakfast food left. AMIR: Ok, that was like two days ago! JAKE: Ok, so throw it away! AMIR: Why are you yelling at me? JAKE: You yelled at me first. AMIR: That's fair. JAKE: I'm ordering a turkey club, what do you want? AMIR: I will be joining that turkey club for I shall be getting... a full turkey! JAKE: Ok, but that's not what I'm gett - AMIR (slamming hands on desk): OK, what are you - JAKE: Hey, hey. AMIR: Ok, does this place do wine? Because I'd be more than down to split a bottle with you JAKE: No, they don't have wine. AMIR: Like a Sovignon Blanc or like a Reisling? JAKE: They don't have wine. AMIR: Like a Shiraz or a Pinot Greej maybe? A Pinot Grigio? JAKE: Yes, they do not have wine. JAKE: Ok, you don't get to use the mouse anymore cos you're trying to check my email AMIR: Damnit. AMIR: Maybe like a Merlot. Like a really, really dry, like a super dry, just like a sweet fucking wine. Like a fucking Rose JAKE: Why don't you just order on your computer, and I'll tell you what I want. AMIR: Nah, my computer doesn't have internet. JAKE: Today? AMIR: ...sure. AMIR: Alright, forget it. I'm not hungry. JAKE: Ok, great. AMIR: THAT WAS A TEST! You were gonna let me skip lunch?. I'm so underweight as it is. JAKE: I know. AMIR: I weigh 78 pounds. AMIR: Uhhh I'm so hungry JAKE: So jet me order your lunch AMIR: I can't think straight, ok? Let's just order after lunch, I'm sorry. AMIR: Ok, I'll have jam, tuna fish and cracked pepper, and then like vinegar on a chocolate croissant. And then just to drink just a keg of what coke is made of. JAKE: Syrup? AMIR: Yeah just the syrup and OH! You know how turkey pastrami is turkey with the pastrami seasoning around it? Can I have that but with twinkies? JAKE: No. AMIR: Ok. AMIR: Alright, how much do I owe you? In - Pennies fall out of Amir's wallet onto the desk. JAKE: Ok, will you please just pay me in bills! AMIR: Wow, what do I look like, Ira Glass? JAKE: Kind of. STREETER: Hey Jake, man, we're gonna go try out that new sandwich place dude, you in? JAKE: Yeah, I am. AMIR: No way, Joe Z. STREETER: Also Amir, that pizza you ordered is here. AMIR: Ok, just put it on my desk, let it cool off, this is taking forever anyway. And DON'T ask me for a slice. The End.