INTRO Jake - Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir - Please, please digg and reblog. Jake - Wow, don't sound desperate. Amir - Sorry. (Jake runs into Amir in the hallway) JAKE: There he is! AMIR: There he-I is! JAKE: I cannot even believe you came into work today, man. AMIR: Why? It's not President's Day, is it? JAKE: Dude, after last night, bro? AMIR: Oh, bro! Whoa, why? I don't know though, bro. What? JAKE: What do you think you did last night? AMIR: I went to Blockbuster, I rented N64 and Snowboard Kids, why? Do you want to come over or something? JAKE: Do you seriously not remember? AMIR: No. JAKE: We got drunk last night! AMIR: Uh, yeah, I don't- I honestly don't remember. Did we? Oh. JAKE: Oh, my god. It's called blacking out, man. AMIR: Ah. JAKE: You must've forgotten the entire night! AMIR: Yeah! I think so. This is awesome! JAKE: (chuckling) Shit! I had no idea you could drink that much. Did you know you could drink that much? AMIR: Yeah, definitely. Why? How much though? JAKE: Try three bottles of vodka! AMIR: Yeah! I knew that! I could drink more than that. JAKE: I know you can because you had some fucking gin right afterwards! AMIR: Oh yeah, we had the gymnastics. JAKE: Yeah, they called you the gin guzzler, yo. AMIR: Yeah, they call me the gym guzzler, yo. JAKE: The gin guzzler. You were dancing. You were out on the dance floor. You were all being fucking weird. You were shaking your shit around. (Amir is shaking about) JAKE: Yeah, everyone thought you looked like an asshole! (Amir abruptly stops) AMIR: OK. (goes to leave) (Jake stops Amir) JAKE: Except for one girl. AMIR: Oh. JAKE: Who is kind of into it. She walks on over and she's all swaggin' it and you got your confidence all turned on-- AMIR: (swaying) Yeah. JAKE: --and you grab her by the waist and-- (Amir tries to grab Jake by the waist) JAKE: Her by the waist! AMIR: Sure. (faces wall as if that's the girl) JAKE: All right, not me. And you were like 'Hey, babe.' you kissed her right on the mouth. (Amir acts as though he's going to make out with the wall) JAKE: That's what I'm talking about. And then she fucking PUKED! (Amir acts as though he's been puked on) AMIR: Ugh! JAKE: All over you, it was crazy! How do you not remember this? AMIR: I do, uh, yeah. JAKE: You were fucking cussing her out. You were all pissed about it-- AMIR: Stupid B. JAKE: --bouncer, he comes over and he's like 'Hey, you yelling at this girl?'-- AMIR: (motioning as if there's a bouncer there) No! JAKE: --and then her boyfriend came over-- AMIR: (now motioning to an invisible boyfriend) Hey, man! No, no, no. JAKE: Then, he flails you up against the wall-- (Amir throws himself against the wall) JAKE: --and he's like 'I'm going to kick your ass' and you're fucking pleading with your eyes-- (Amir is making a puppy face) JAKE: --please don't take my life, please don't take my life. You're begging him with your eyes and he- You're freakin' peeing your pants. You're pissing your pants. He felt bad for you and he just tossed you out on the curb. (Amir throws himself onto the floor) JAKE: You crawled back in and you were like 'Aw, fuck, please Jake, I need to get home-- (Amir is miming along with Jake from the floor) JAKE: --let me borrow ten bucks to get home. Please, please, please.' Then I lent you ten bucks and I want that back now and I won't tell anybody about what happened last night. AMIR: OK, I only have a twenty. But why don't you take it, and you don't tell anybody about last night, twice. JAKE: Deal. (turns and walks down hallway) Hey, Rosie, movie is on me! (stops after a few steps and sighs) I feel bad. (turns and walks back to Amir) Let me get another twenty, I don't want to make him walk. We're going to take a cab. We're going to cab it. AMIR: You're going to cab it. JAKE: (taking the money forcefully from Amir's hand) We're going to cab it. THE END. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ivBBLxesJY