INTRO AMIR: [singing] Hey you're watching Jake and Amir and you're-- JAKE: You said you had a good song. AMIR: It is a good song! [Amir is packing up his belongings in preparation for his move to Los Angeles. He is holding a large cardboard box labeled "AMIR STUFF".] AMIR: Well... this is it. [pause] It's more than it, actually. JAKE: It's just it. AMIR: This is goodbye... it's more than goodbye. JAKE: It's just goodbye. And it's just it. AMIR: [mouthing] Wow. JAKE: Wow. Yeah, you know, not everything has to be more than something, just to drive your point past home. AMIR: You're gonna put me on blast for that? JAKE: Yeah. A blast. AMIR: Oh? That's a good idea? JAKE: I do. I think so. AMIR: To blast me? JAKE: Blast you on a Tuesday. AMIR: On the day I move to The Angels? JAKE: I'll help you with your stuff. [Jake grabs the box. It folds instantly, as the bottom hasn't been put together. The only thing inside is a paper bag labeled "OZENENZ".] JAKE: Are you kidding me, man? AMIR: What? JAKE: You were packing for an hour. You have no possessions? AMIR: No possessions? There's a sandwich bag! JAKE: A s-- yes! Exactly! You have a sandwich bag! You worked here for eight fucking years! AMIR: It's odds and ends, mostly! JAKE: It's really light! You know, considering the amount of time you spent here, at this desk. No backpack? No bag? AMIR: I pack light. JAKE: You didn't pack at all! You packed-- [shakes the bag] --it sounds like grapes and raisins, mostly. AMIR: [grabbing the bag] Enough, alright? Enough. JAKE: Right. [pointing to the OZENENZ label] "Odds and ends", by the way, is not one word. You, uh... you spelled this more than wrong. [As Jake and Amir walk away, the focus lingers on their desk.] [Jake is accompanying Amir on his way out. They are in the elevator.] AMIR: It's been ace working with you. [Jake pauses, but Amir begins talking over him the moment he responds.] JAKE: Man, that was lame. It was so lame. It made me uncomfortable. / AMIR: Ass, ass, ass for not laughing at that? It was a callback! JAKE: Okay. It's a deep pull. AMIR: I thought we were gullies! JAKE: Stop it. [Jake and Amir are outside in front of the CH office.] JAKE: I know it's hard for you to leave, but I thought maybe, uh... maybe we'll do something special, something real big, for our last hurrah. AMIR: "Last hurrah"? What are you talking about? Just 'cause I'm gonna be in LA doesn't mean that we're not gonna work together anymore! JAKE: Yes it does. AMIR: How frickin' so? JAKE: How not? You're moving across the country. You're gonna be in a different office. AMIR: [yelling] I know! But we're still gonna be in the same office... dweeb! JAKE: [also yelling] So you don't know! I just said we're not gonna be in the same office! Don't yell at me that you know when you don't! AMIR: Congratulations! Time! You just ruined my last day on Earth here in six minutes flat? No! Six minutes bumpy! JAKE: I'm trying to tell you that I'm gonna drive you to LA. AMIR: In what? JAKE: [pointing to an RV parked across the street] In that. AMIR: ...What is that? JAKE: It's an RV! AMIR: We're driving across the country in an RV? JAKE: Eight days of adventure. AMIR: Just you and me? JAKE: Just me and you. AMIR: [taken aback] Wow... [to himself] I deserve so much more than... [trailing off] JAKE: What? AMIR: [yelling] I deserve so much more than this! This-- this... this is your big idea for a send-off? JAKE: ...You piece of shit. AMIR: Cool it. JAKE: No! AMIR: What is that, like, a... like a thirty-footer or some little piece of-- JAKE: It's twenty-two feet. AMIR: Twe-- you might as well have rented a minivan at this point! I'm not going Dutch with you on that! JAKE: I'm not asking you to go Dutch-- you know what? Never mind, man. Just have-- have fun in California. AMIR: No, no no no, come back, come on, yeah, I'm excited. Big adventure. Hurrah. JAKE: You're making it worse. AMIR: You know what? No no no, this is good. You'll make it up to me along the way. [Amir heads off-screen toward the RV.] AMIR: Oh sheesh, y'all! 'twas a road trip! [Off-screen, there are tires squealing and horns honking.] JAKE: Oh! AMIR: [off-screen] Whoa! Okay, taxi almost nicked me. JAKE: More than nicked you! [The screen goes black, with text reading "To Be Continued..."] END