Opening Sequence Jake: Hey, you're watching— Amir: Get in ma belly! Jake: Wow, c'mon. Amir: Fat Bastard. Jake: I know. Amir: So. Episode Amir: Okay, here's one, here's one. Do you think you could train a parrot, to train a parrot? What? (laughs) Jake: Do you think we've been talking? You haven't said anything for two hours and that's the first thing you've said to me. Amir: rawwr! (laughs) Jake: What do you do here? Seriously. Amir: Aaah! Jake: No I really want to know. Somebody asked me the other day, they asked me what your job was, and I couldn't think of anything I've ever seen you do. Amir: (Puts his hands up so he's strangling thin air.) Ugggh. Jake: C'mon. You come into work, sometimes with a computer— (Amir holds up his laptop.) Amir: Oooooh. Jake: Yes, you've brought it today, but like what's on it? (Amir shows Jake his laptop's screen.) Jake: Okay it appears to be off. Amir: Off, or sleeping? (Presses the space bar. Nothing happens.) Jake: Off. Amir: Dang it. Took a risk, went for it. Jake: Okay, what's the last email you sent? Amir: It's tough to say cause my computer's asleep at the moment. Jake: Well you have a phone right, what's on your phone? (Amir pulls out his phone.) Amir: Barbecue sauce. Jake: Lemme see it? (Amir tosses Jake his phone.) Jake: (Looking at the phone) No emails, no texts, one contact, 309 outgoing calls to someone named ##zzzzhelphello696969lol, but the number's mine. (Amir smiles and throws his palms up in the air, and Jake does likewise.) Jake: I don't know what to do! I'm gonna get you fired. I'm gonna try to get you fired. (Amir dusts off his shoulders.) Amir: Nah. Jake: I just think it's in everybody's best interest if I just do that. The only problem is I don't know who to talk to because— Amir: Because you don't know who my boss is, right? Cause you don't know what my job is. Sounds like you're S.O.L. (laughs) Jake: Maybe I'll just talk to Ricky. Amir: Wait don't! Okay. (Doing something with his laptop) I just didn't want to tell you what my job was because it was embarrassing, but if you really really really really wanna know... (The laptop makes a start up sound.) Jake: Sounds like your computer's starting up. Amir: No, it's not. Uhm... I look for work and a career. Monsters. Jake: Did you just Google search job? (Amir strangles the air.)