INTRO: AMIR: (trying to do the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme) In west Philadelphia two best friends hanging out and have fun- JAKE: Stop! Stop. <hr> (Amir is sitting at his desk. Jake walks in with his younger cousin, Madeiline.) JAKE: (to Madeleine) Alright, and this is my desk. Pretty fun, right? AMIR: Haha, pretty fun right? (sternly) Introduce me! JAKE: Alright, Amir this is my cousin Madeleine. AMIR: Oooo, somebody's gonna get their period soon! JAKE: Hey! Hey! Don't say stuff like that! MADELEINE: I already had my period. AMIR: It's nothing you should be ashamed of. That's all I'm gonna say. JAKE: Okay, she's not ashamed. AMIR: She should be, a little, but... JAKE: (to Amir) Okay, you just said she shouldn't be. (to Madeleine) Madeleine, it's perfectly natural. AMIR: I- I'd be ashamed. JAKE: Oh my God! You should be ashamed. MADELEINE: I got it when I was twelve. It's not a big deal. AMIR: That's early, that's way early! MADELEINE: No it's not. AMIR: Who told you it wasn't? MADELEINE: My mom. AMIR: She's a lying bitch! Jake? JAKE: Dude, that's my aunt! You can't say stuff like this! AMIR: Do you not want me to be real? Okay, I'm a lot of things, but you can't say that I'm not honest. JAKE: Yes I can. You just told her she had nothing to be ashamed of, then you went off on this rant. AMIR: I can apologize for being mean, but I'm not gonna mean it. MADELEINE: You're a loser. AMIR: You're- Okay, Jake? Whose side are you gonna take, man? JAKE: Hers. (Amir scoffs.) AMIR: You know, it was unfair of me to ask you this early in the game; take the weekend to think about it. MADELEINE: You're dumb. AMIR: (to Jake) Choose me, please. Please choose me. I have- she's cutting me deep and I need to hear that I have a friend right now. (Madeleine makes a face at Amir. Amir makes the same face back at Madeleine, which Jake sees.) JAKE: (to Amir) Will you please grow up?! AMIR: Shuh-! She did it first, that stupid bitch! JAKE: Wow! Alright, we are gonna go. We have Christmas shopping to do. AMIR: Ooo, what's the matter? Santa Claus not workin' this year? Oh yeah, I forgot: he doesn't exist. MADELEINE: I knew that already. AMIR: What? I was bluffing. Jake. Jake! JAKE: (to Amir) He's real! He's real. AMIR: (to Madeleine) Shouldn't-- Shouldn't say that, you're not gonna get any toys. END.