AMIR: SUP?! Do you know what the date is today? JAKE: It's August 5th. AMIR: August 5th. Ugh, I guess I don't know anyone whose birthday it is today so I'll talk to you later. JAKE: OK. AMIR: Waitwaitwait-I'm just kidding. It's...Nile...Armstrang... JAKE: Neil Armstrong. AMIR: Birthd- JAKE: Yeah, the astronaut. AMIR: -Astronautty as hell, so, anybody else's birthday is today? JAKE: Today is my birthday. AMIR: Ah-Ah-Ah! I didn't hear that, I didn't say anything so-lalala-I'm not planning your party so don't be surprised. JAKE: Don't be-don't be surprised? AMIR: One second. (goes to Sarah) Sarah, hey-ah, sorry-ae, throwing-ae Jake-ae a birthday-ae surprise party-ae tonight at a McDonalds just ya-(high pitched) yay or nay? SARAH: I mean, do you think that's pig latin? AMIR: Yeah. SARAH: OK, well, still no, I still can't go out tonight, sorry. AMIR: OK. Jake always hated you. (goes to Pat) AMIR: Right off the bat I think you're a piece of shit and I don't respect you but Jake might want you at his surprise party so if you want to go, figure out where it is and you can attend. OK? PAT: I can't, Amir. I have to take my cat to the vet. AMIR: OK, good. I hope you both die, so... PAT: You hope my cat and my vet die? AMIR: No, I hope you and your vet dies. (leaves) (approaches Rosie) AMIR: Surprise party for Jake tonight? ROSIE: I can't go, sorry. (Amir makes to punch Rosie, Rosie flinches) ROSIE: AH! (Jake approaches Sarah) JAKE: Hey, Sarah, you coming to my 'surprise' party? (chuckles) SARAH: (chuckles) Oh, uh, no, I'm actually busy tonight, so... JAKE: You want to do something else? Drinks? SARAH: Uh-no. JAKE: OK, maybe later? SARAH: Probably not. JAKE: So you're saying there's a chance! (they both chuckle faintly) JAKE: All right, bye. (Amir is standing next to a girl at her computer) AMIR: Surprise party tonight? GIRL: I'm not allowed to leave the office. AMIR: I don't even know your name, so... (Amir standing next to a different girl) GIRL 2: I can't, I'm sorry. AMIR: Jake always thought you smelled like shit. (Amir is now by Jeff's desk) JEFF: No. AMIR: OK, I didn't even ask you. JEFF: Yes, you did. AMIR: Yes, but, I take it back. (Jake approaches Pat) JAKE: Yo! Birthday drinks tonight? PAT: Oh, um, I can't, I'm busy, I'm sorry. JAKE: ...you're not still pissed abou-- PAT: No, NO! I just, I just can't do that, I'm sorry. JAKE: All right, cool, well I'm going to go. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer! ...but I am probably just going to go, so... (makes to approach Hallie but walks on) JAKE: Somebody stop me! (Jake enters elevator and Amir follows) AMIR: Hey! Where are you going? JAKE: (deflated) Home. AMIR: OK, uh, just because nobody likes us doesn't mean we shouldn't go out strong tonight. JAKE: All right. AMIR: Hey, listen to me. Tonight is going to be - CRA-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!! TO BE CONTINUED. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hni181iYLcA