INTRO: JAKE: Hey, you're watching Ja-- AMIR: Cuuut, cutcutcutcut-- JAKE: Why? AMIR: I don't know, I don't know what cut means. [Jake and Amir are sitting across from each other at their desks.] AMIR: Holy GUAC. This iPad thing is ridinkydonky; I need one, bababababaaadd! JAKE: Why? AMIR: This iPad thing is ridickydonk; I need one, bad. JAKE: Do you think I said what?? AMIR: A loser says what? JAKE: ... AMIR: ...Wat? JAKE: I didn't say anything. AMIR: I thought you said what, which would make you a loser! JAKE: Yeah, I didn't. You did, which makes you a-- AMIR: NO! JAKE: (under his breath) Fine. AMIR: This iPad thing is crazy though. I never wanted anything more in my entire life-- JAKE: Why do you think you need one? AMIR: It revolutionizes it! JAKE: What's it? What is it revolutionizing? AMIR: It's just crazy how they made it.. it's so small. JAKE: It's not that small. AMIR: It's enormous. JAKE: No. It's not-- AMIR: And that's crazy because it's weightless! JAKE: No, it's not. AMIR: It's completely weightless. JAKE: No, No. AMIR: Yeah. JAKE: Name one thing that it does. AMIR: Nothing! It does everything! JAKE: Ok, so not nothing. AMIR: Exactly. (winking and pointing at Jake) JAKE: Don't say exactly and go like this (imitating Amir), like you did something smart, because you're very dumb, okay, it didn't make any-- PAT: Hey, Jake, why are you giving Amir such a hard time, man? I head you say you wanted the iPad yourself, what's up? JAKE: Okay, yeah, I know why it's so great though. PAT: Why? JAKE: (stuttering) It's a new way to view it, PAT: Oh, view what? JAKE: Media... and, it's got.. um.. there are.. it's got apps, you can check your email, PAT: Apps, email, cuz you can check your email on your phone you know, and your computer-- JAKE: Shut up. Shut up, man, okay. You're putting me on the spot. (stuttering) It revolutionizes it! PAT: Well you know what I think? (slightly laughing) I think you kinda sound like Amir at this point-- (smiling, touching Amir's shoulder) AMIR: Okay he told you to shut up, Pat; BUTT OUT! PAT: Whoah! AMIR: Ok this is an A to B conversation, so C your way out of it, right? C your way out of D room.. that's right, get E-way! Get the F away! G, you're still H-ere? I don't know why, because I, J told you to K.. JAKE: He's gone. AMIR: L. END.