[Introduction] Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir: No, I'm recording intros. Jake: Leave, man. [Jake and Amir at their desks] Amir (listening to his headphones): laughing Right in the kisser. Jake: Hey, um... Amir (Talking to his headphones): Hold on one second... What? Jake: a lot of people have been complaining to me. Amir: And you believe them?! Jake: I haven't said what it is yet. Amir: Okay, I set up a spy cam in the women's restroom. Sue me. Jake: Wow. They might. Amir: Okay, then I'll countersue. How's that? Two sues for the price of one. Jake: It's about your stench. Amir: Or lack thereof. laugh Jake: No, not a lack thereof, exactly what I said. Okay? You reek of shit. Amir: Jealous much? Jake: I'm not jealous. Look, this isn't going away, alright? You smell like you're dead. Amir: I'll apologize, but I'm not gonna shower. Jake: That's not good enough, then. We all want the exact opposite. Amir: I said I was sorry! Jake: First of all you didn't, second of all we don't want your apology, we want you to take a shower. Amir: Okay, this is catching me way off guard. Jake: Is it really? Because last week a bunch of people chased you with a hose and soap. Amir: I thought that was a goof! Jake: Why would that be a goof? You whispered something to Sarah and she got an ear infection. Amir: Alright, you think I give a flaming fart what people say, man? (Amir pulls his legs up and grabs a lighter) Jake: I know you don't. Don't do that. (Amir lights a flame, starts to fart, and leak shit through his khakis as he moans) Amir: Oh, no! Oh, anyhoot! Jake: No! No! Not anyhoot, okay? You have to go change your pants now. Amir: Why, 'cause I farted? Wow. It was a toot. An SBD, so NBD, on NBC (to the NBC chime) laughs Jake: You leaked shit into your khakis. Amir: Yeah, ever heard of I'll clean it after work? So shut up. Jake: No. I haven't ever heard of (starts yelling) sharting your pants, with wet diarrhea, and then waiting a full five hours to clean it up, okay? That is the first time I've ever heard of that. Amir: Losers wipe, okay? Winners go home and f*** the prom queen. Jake: You're not gonna f*** anybody. It looks like you sat on a water balloon filled with chili. Amir: Okay, you think I give a flaming fart- (Amir kicks up his legs again) Jake: Oh my god, it smells like gasoline and fish.