INTRO: AMIR: (in a strange unknown accent) Hola, sir wachin Jake and Amar. JAKE: Not Spanish. AMIR: Wasn't trying to be. [Jake, Murph, and Rosie are sitting in chairs in a break room.] MURPH: Do you guys remember how small our dicks were in high school? (Rosie laughs) JAKE: In high school, yeahyeah. MURPH: God, it was like.. JAKE: I had the peenie-- the teeniest tiny little thing. MURPH: Seriously. ROSIE: Yeah, I'm just so happy there wasn't, like, sexting back then, cuz I would just like-- JAKE: Oh, man-- ROSIE: --my tiny dick would be all over the internet, like-- (All laugh.) (The sound of a door closing is heard. The camera cuts to Amir, who has just entered the room, with a completely blank expression.) AMIR: Hey. JAKE: Hey, what's up, man?-- AMIR: Where are you, man? JAKE: ...I'm right here! You can see me, right? AMIR: Yeyeah. I know. JAKE: Coo'. AMIR: Very cool. JAKE: Okay. AMIR: Ok. (There is a pause in the conversation.) AMIR: Can I hang out f-- JAKE: So I'll see you later! AMIR: --for a little- I'll see ya! AMIR: (holding up a peace sign) Pea'. (Jake makes a peace sign back.) AMIR: Say it! JAKE: Peace out. AMIR: (holding up a curved peace sign) Pea'. (Jake's phone vibrates and beeps once.) AMIR: What was that? JAKE: My phone vibrated. AMIR: Text, or.. email,?-- JAKE: I dunno. AMIR: (holding up a peace sign) Pea'. JAKE: (to Murph and Rosie) Alright, so-- AMIR: (holding up a peace sign) Arriveder... Chi? JAKE: (to Amir) Bad joke, see ya. (Amir holds up a peace sign one more time, then turns to leave.) JAKE: (to Murph and Rosie) Alright, high school. Remember like the hottest girl. If you think about it now, she's like fifteen. Isn't that weird, that you were-- s- One second. (to Amir) What's up, man? What are you doing? AMIR: (still in the room, turning to face Jake) Leaving! JAKE: You're just standing there! AMIR: (pointing at the door handle) This door handle is so gay. JAKE: Turn it! AMIR: I don't even wanna touch it! JAKE: (to Murph and Rosie) One second. (He gets up and walks over to Amir.) Okay, what's going on, man? AMIR: Nothing, I just wanna hang out with you and your friends. JAKE: Come on, we'll hang out later. AMIR: NOT later, I wanna hang out now, I'm bored now! JAKE: (sighs) You're not going to have any fun, ok? AMIR: I'll have fun. JAKE: You really wanna hang out with me and my friends? (Amir nods.) JAKE: Just know that I don't want you there. Murph and Rosie don't want you there. (AMIR: That's fine) But if you really want to go over there you can. AMIR: Yes, I want to. JAKE: Ok, even though none of us want you there. AMIR: Mmhmm. Yes. JAKE: Alright, fine, you can go sit down, but just kno-- AMIR: Aight then MOVE! (pushing past Jake to walk over to Murph and Rosie and sit down in Jake's chair) JAKE: There you go. Ok. (He turns around and sits next to Murph, then addresses Murph and Rosie.) Amir's gonna hand out with us for a little bit. AMIR: (holding his arms out and smiling) uEEIHHH! (laughs) JAKE: But he has to leave soon, because he has to get back to work-- AMIR: No! I don't work... any of that stuff. Anyway, what are you guys talking about? Trucks,-- JAKE: [We were] Talking about high school. AMIR: (laughing) I used to make Jackass-style videos in high school. ROSIE: Oh really? (he and Murph laugh along) Me and my friends used to do that too. AMIR: (laughing) Yeah, lots of grocery carts to-- (laughs) One time my friend Austin tried to like longboard off the side of a house onto like an empty pool, but his like truck got caught in a shingle and he ended up, like, clipping his head on the side of the pool. (laughs) (All but Amir go ohhhh and laugh at the black humor.) AMIR: (laughing) Yeah he ate shit so hard that he died. (Everyone falls silent.) MURPH: Jesus, man! AMIR: (stuttering) Ss- Yeah, eeayhad like, they tried to like-- JAKE: What's wrong with you? AMIR: What? (Murph and Rosie get up and leave.) JAKE: Why would you tell the story like that? AMIR: Like what? JAKE: Like it's this really funny story, but it turns out that it's this really really tragic incident?-- AMIR: Where are you? Where are you? JAKE: I'm right here! Ok you made my friends leave! AMIR: Oh, your friends, yeah, two guy- two best friends, they're still right here, huh? No, they left. You know what, I would never leave this room. JAKE: I'm gonna go. (Gets up and leaves.) AMIR: Where are we going? I'll go! END.