Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir: And don't forget your wallet. Jake: Why? Amir: When? Amir: Oh, how was your weekend? Jake: Uh, it was nice, yeah. I had a good weekend. Went on a bike ride. Amir: Nice. Um. Did you get head? Or— did you? I'm wondering. Jake: Um. Amir: And you got head and twins. Jake: I didn't say that. I said I went on a bike ride. Amir: That makes sense. How would that even work, by the way? Like you 69 someone on a unicycle? Jake: Why assume it was a unicycle? Amir: 'Cause I don't wanna kink shame anyone, numbnuts. Did you get a blumpkin on a unicycle or was it normal head? Jake: Just a normal 69 on a unicycle? I mean, how could that even be a blumpkin? Amir: Any blowie can be a blumpkin if you have IBS about it. Jake: There are other people here, right? You think I shat myself while getting 69 on a unicycle? Amir: And having numbnuts, exactly right. Basically, your testes had no feeling in them. Jake: You told me your computer was dead, I see your phone is dead, why don't you just leave and go buy a charger or something? Amir: Because I don't have a charger. Jake: Listen to what I'm saying, I just said leave to buy a charger. Amir: And I don't have a charger and I'm completely Garmin-less and lost without them basically. Jake: Okay, fine, then just shut up. Just shut up for the rest of the day. Amir: I honestly can't believe this, okay? I just asked you a pretty innocuous question, like a mundane water cooler style question about your weekend and you're treating me like some sort of sexual deviant or worse yet: I regret to say this out loud, but somebody with a sliced wallet. Jake: I had a nice weekend. Amir: I would too if I got a blumpkin on a unicycle. Instead, I just got dome at home. Jake: Great. Amir: All right, enough small talk. Jake: That was small talk? Amir: Two truths and a lie. I did get dome at home. Jake: Lie. Amir: You shit myself on a unicycle. Jake: I shit yourself? Amir: You shit yourself on a unicycle. Jake: Lie. Amir: And lastly, I have moderate to severe anal eczema from edema that I got from an enema. Jake: Sounds like it's that one. Amir: It's the unicycle one, exactly right. Jake: It's not. Amir: It's not, very true. Jake: It's the eczema one. Amir: Yeah. Jake: Tell you what, I'm gonna go home. If you're not gonna leave, I'll leave. I got my keys, phone, wallet. Oh my God! Oh no! Amir: What the? Relax, dude. It's just your wallet, okay? It's not like it's my wallet. Jake: But it could be your wallet. This is like your biggest fear. Amir: My wallet's fine. Jake: Yours is fine. Amir: My wallet's fine. Jake: This is diced. Amir: It's sliced, but that's okay. Amir: Any blowie can be a blumpkin if you have IBS about it. Jake: There are other people here. Jake: You're not gonna leave, I'm gonna leave. Got my keys, phone, wallet. Oh no! Oh my God! Oh my God! Amir: Relax, dude. Chill, it's not the end of the world.