INTRO AMIR: Jake, Jake, Jake, J-Jake, Jake, J-Jake, Jake. JAKE: Say your own name. AMIR: And Amir. JAKE: God. AMIR: Happy? (Jake is sitting at desk, Amir wheels in a large wrapped box) AMIR: (grabbing Jake, rapping) Uhh, happy holidays, and so grab yourself a hoach-gay. JAKE: I though we said we weren't doing gifts this year. AMIR: Why not? JAKE: Because every year you've gotten me something really weird. (flashback three years ago, Jake and Amir are on couch) AMIR: So I got you something. JAKE: Thanks, man. AMIR: Uh, you know how you told me the story about when your dad was a kid he had a kaleidoscope and it broke? JAKE: No. AMIR: Or, uh, he had a kaleidoscope and he lost it in the snow or something? JAKE: No, that wasn't me. AMIR: And, like, ever since then you've been trying to find him a kaleidoscope to replace the one that broke? JAKE: I'm not even sure I know what a kaleidoscope is. AMIR: (handing Jake small, wrapped cylinder) Anyway, just, just open it, it's gonna shock you to the core. JAKE: (shaking it, makes broken glass noises) It sounds really broken. AMIR: Impossible. (flash forward to two years ago, Amir giving Jake a brown bag filled with cash) AMIR: So I'm like what do you get the guy that has everything? Why not cash, the gift certificate to anywhere? JAKE: There's, like, over a thousand dollars in here. AMIR: Yeah, why? Do you think I stole it? JAKE: I do now. AMIR: From an old lady? (Jake sighs, Amir grabs Jake's sweater) This is nice. (flash forward to last year, Amir is giving Jake a large animal crate) JAKE: Thanks. AMIR: Go home and, (taps crate) you'll appreciate this cage more. JAKE: What? AMIR: Just go home and, (taps crate) you'll appreciate this cage more. JAKE: What do you mean? Not what you said. AMIR: Let me put it in a way you might understand, without giving- JAKE: Just say it. AMIR: I got you a wolf. JAKE: Ugh, Ok. AMIR: Yeah, and I put it in your apartment. (Jake sighs) (flash forward to present, Jake sighs) AMIR: Ok, just trust me. This year is gonna be different. Just open it, please. JAKE: Alright. (Jake rips wrapping paper to reveal cardboard box. Amir pops out of box holding collar.) JAKE: Ahh! What? How did you- What is that? AMIR: It's a collar. JAKE: For what? AMIR: For the wolf! For- FTW. JAKE: I don't have the wolf anymore, Ok? AMIR: For the- it's FTW, for the wolf. JAKE: The wolf's dead, they euthanized it in my apartment. You wanna dig it up? For the wolf? AMIR: For the epic wolf. THE END AMIR: (looks at camera) Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah from Jake and Amir! JAKE: (looking suspiciously at camera) Who are you talking to? AMIR: Nobody.