Amir: Hey, you're watching Jake... and I guess that's it cause I suck! Jake: Wow, come on. Jake: Hey, Man. Amir: Hey, Man. Jake: How you feelin'? Amir: Bueno. Jake: Buddy, you're not "Bueno". Amir: I'm not your "Buddy", Buddy. Jake: Go home, just go home. Amir: You would love that, wouldn't you? Jake: Yes, everyone would love that. You're covered in puke and shit. Amir: And... shit! Jake: Said that, I said "shit". Amir: It's called 'food poisoning'. Jake: Exactly, and when you have it, you go home. Amir: I'm toughing it out! Jake: You're obviously not toughing it out, right? You've been crying this entire time. Will you at least go to the bathroom? Amir: Losers go to the bathroom. Winners go to the back room, to get blows. Jake: Right, no one is going to "blows" you. Okay? Your crotch is covered in your own feces. Which is kind of crazy considering feces is supposed to come out the back. Amir: Yeah, it did come out the back but then the smell was just overpowering me so I flipped the script, switched the pants around. Jake: Weird logic. Amir: If I could feel my arms, honestly, I'd give you a noogie right now. Jake: Right, wouldn't let you give me a noogie because your fingers, like your crotch, is just covered in your own shit and puke. Amir: Why did this happen to me? Jake: Because for dinner you had a raw chicken, egg, and cheese sandwich on a frozen hot pocket. Amir: I knew you'd bring that up. Jake: You asked me! You washed the entire meal down with a glass of warm toilet water. Amir: It was a dare. Jake: Everybody was daring you to not do it. Amir: Yeah, and guess what? I chickened out! Hehe, raw chicken that is! vomits Oh, look at me, I have diarrhea of the mouth, and diarrhea of the south. Jake: So, just regular diarrhea? Amir: No, bueno. Man: Eeeh, Jake, the pizza's here. Oh... Man 2: So, Amir's still here. Amir: Oh, I get it. You didn't come in here to bond with me. You came in to ask me to leave. Jake: Yeah, dude, I've been trying to kick you out of the office since I got here. Amir: Well, I guess it's first come, first slerve on the Zsa Zsa Gabor. So, outta my way, dimwits. I'm looking for... Jake: Dude, come on. Amir: You want the nice golden brown. This is not... Jake: Don't! At least let me hand you a slice, you're getting shit all over the pizza. Amir: Wait a second, is this cheese pizza? Jake: What are you talking about? It's pizza! Amir: Yeah, but you didn't say it was cheese! Aw, I'm going to yarf. Jake: Fine, don't yarf near the pizza! Amir: It's too late, I'm actually mid yarf. Jake: You're not mid yarf, at least turn your head. Amir: Keep the box open! Jake: No, you can't even turn your head? Man 2: Aw, Jake, you ruined the pizza. Jake: Amir ruined the pizza. Man: You puked on it. Amir: Go home, Jake! Man 3: What happened? Man 2: Jake ruined the pizza, he's sick. Collective chant: Go home, Jake! Amir Blumenfeld 2002-Forever