Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir: Five star reviews only, please. Jake: I don't know if that applies. Amir: Okay. Jake: You know, you're not hiding it well. If you're gonna stare at me all day, just go home. Amir: What? Jake: Don't say what. You for sure heard me. Jake: Whoa. Earthquake. Amir: Whoa. Are you scared? Jake: It's a little surprising. No. Amir: Oh my god. It's an earthquake. It's a little earthquake. I'm frightened. Jake: I am frightened the whole entire building is shaking Amir: What? Jake: The building was shaking. The ground outside was shaking. Amir: When? Jake: Just now—Do you know what an earthquake is? Amir: I thought I did but now I'm scared I chastised you about a freaking serious issue. Jake: Just relax! Amir: You were a little bitch, but I'm way more terrified than that! Jake: Grammatically, that is nonsense. Wow, you're crying. Amir: I'm barely crying, but like what if my fucking wallet is cut? Jake: It's fine. The earthquake is over. Amir: Is it? Because look, I'm fucking shaking right now, man. Jake: Yeah, you're shaking. Amir: I'm fucking shaking as hell. Jake: You're shaking. The ground is not. Amir: The ground was shaking? Jake: That's what we just established. How bad is your short-term memory? Amir: I really fear my billfold was sliced. Will you take a look at it? I don't have the fucking time. I can't be bothered. Jake: You don't have the time? You can't be bothered? You care so much. Look, there you go. It's okay. Amir: It's fine. Jake: Fine. Amir: Right? It's fine. Jake: Yes, it is fine. Amir: It's supposed to be open on this side. Jake: Your wallet is probably the sturdiest thing that you own. Don't be so concerned with it getting cut. Amir: Sliced. Jake: Yeah, sliced, same thing. Amir: Do you consider me afraid? You little coward fuck. Jake: Yes, yes I do consider you afraid. Let's just get back to work. Amir: You should have seen yourself when I was all like shaky and scared. You were kind of a little pussy bitch about it. Jake: Don't say any of those words in public. Amir: Yeah. Jake: Right? Amir: Yeah. Jake: Yeah. Amir: Or what? Jake: Or else I'll slice your wallet. Amir: No, do not touch my fucking billfold, man. I'm really sensitive about it for whatever fucking reason. Jake: Okay, I won't. Amir: Oh, cool. Jake: Man, man, these mood swings must be really intense. Amir: I wonder if I should like see someone about my mental health or the wallet. Jake: Yeah, like a therapist. Amir: No, like a wallet cobbler, kind of like a weatherman or a leatherman, almost like a billfold cobbler that can get me to a point where like, I feel emotionally steady and fine like a rock, but I'm worried that the wallet thing will actually set me off basically in a way that makes me scared. I'm in a bad place. I'm in like a bad-ass place about it.