Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir Amir: I told you we could be naked! Jake: Oh my god get out Jake: Well this was supposed to be an intervention, but i guess no one like you enough to show up. Amir: Oh Jake: Don't act smug, I know that hurt. Amir: Is it something I said, or did? Jake: I mean both. You've been rubbing everyone the wrong way for the past four or five years. Amir: Yeah, that explains why everybody's been acting coy to me since 2003 Jake: Not coy, it's not coy, they hate you (Penis Anthony Hudson enters) Doobs: Is he dead yet, or is it not that kind of intervention Jake: What kind of interventions do you go to? Doobs: (laughing) Amir: What are you doing here, Doobs? Doobs: I RSVP'd to this intervention one year ago today, on E-vite Jake: Impossible, I didn't have an E-vite for this intervention, I just decided to have it last week. Amir: So quiet up, Huddy! Doobs: You can't call me that any more, A-Weird. Amir: No! Doobs: Yes! Because of three seconds ago I have litterally changed my name yet again to Penis Dickling, The Goose! (Howls) Jake: That's not a goose noise Amir: Now how am I to make fun of him? Jake: I don't know, Penis is still pretty bad, I mean dickling is awful Amir: Mr Goose Doobs: Grrr, Curse you! Jake: That's the nicest thing he could have called you. Doobs: Never matter, we're not here to discuss myself, or the millions of films I've now been cast in. We're here to talk about A-Weird and his father, and his father's tiny, spindly, sticky little legs. Jake: Wait a second, films? Doobs: Oh you haven't heard? I am now officially, and universally, a famous actress Amir: whoah, short shorts Jake: You know I really hope you just misspoke. Doobs: I didn't. I've been casted as the fem fatal in the brilliant film A bridge over river Queer. Yes, you heard that. How do you like that range, even Thomas Hanks hasn't played a woman, and he's a MTV award nominee! Jake: Okay, I don't think you're right about either of those things. Amir: Yes he is! Jake: No he's not! Amir: Yes he is! Doobs: No, I'm not. Tell me, do you have a CD-ROM drive? Jake: No Doobs: What? Jake: We don't have a CD-ROM drive. Doobs: Meaning? Jake: Meaning they're old and out of date, we don't have one. Doobs: Then what the hell is this? (Picks up a phone) Jake: It's a telephone. Doobs: Okay, and these? Jake: Books Doobs: Well then wheres you're CD-ROM drive? Jake: We'd We don't have one! Doobs: How many gigabytes does you're company own? Jake: How is that relevant? Doobs: You're not a tycoon, you're whole job is a lie! Jake: What are you talking about? Doobs: (Angrily) Give me your CD-ROM drive! Jake: We have a DVD player! Doobs: What is that? Jake: It plays DVDs, are you serious? Doobs: Meaning? Jake: Meaning it plays DVDs Doobs: Level with me, this has an MPEG 4 on it, can you play it? Jake: Probably, just put it in the DVD player, okay, we'll see. (Doobs turns and throws the CD into a DVD player) Amir: Wow Jake: Insane! Doobs (On screen, dressed as a woman): New York city 1995, BC. Jake (IRL): Wow Doobs this looks awful Amir (IRL): Shh it's brilliant. Jake (IRL): How could you say that? (Amir poiints at the screen, as he walks on dressed in a green nightie. The background to the film is the Eiffel tower) Amir (On Screen): Hello, Mrs Doobs! Doobs (On Screen): Hello peasant Amir (On Screen) : No! Jake (IRL): I get it. Doobs (On screen): Today we make history, much like your father tried to make history with me Amir (On screen): Stop. Doobs (On Screen):A million years ago when he tried to hug me Amir (On Screen): Don't! Doobs (On Screen): and smooch me Amir (On Screen): No! Doobs (On Screen): A thousand time in one day! Amir (On Screen): No, you're off script! Doobs (On Screen): and I let him! Amir (On Screen): Gahhh, I'll kill you! Doobs (On Screen): I challenge you to a wrestling match! (They fight on screen) FOUR HOURS LATER (Jake stands up and leave, Amir and Doobs are clapping) Amir and Doobs(IRL): It's brilliant Brava, Brava, Brava! (On screen Amir and Doobs are also clapping) Amir and Doobs (On Screen): Brava, Brava, Magnificoal! Amir and Doobs (IRL): Brava! (Amir blows kisses, Doobs laughs)