Amir: Laugh you're alive! Jake: ...OK, anyway you're watching Jake and Amir. Amir:...alive! Amir: OK, you know what? I don't get it. Because stay-at-home mom is the politically correct term. Jake: Right, but you yelled Stay at home mom and you were talking to my mom. Amir: I will never understand the..Holly shit Doobs is here! Jake: What? Doobs:Hello Amir Amir: Doobs. Jake: Doobs? Doobs: My name is Penis Anthony Doubineux. Jake: And the nickname you gave him to make fun of him was Doobs? Doobs: Pretty funny right? It's like his last name but shorter. Jake: What's he doing here? Doobs:I, Penis Anthony Doubineux... Jake: We heard your name. Doobs: ...was next door neighbors with Amir while growing up. And although his father managed to kiss a lot of people, on the mouth... Amir: No! Doobs:...and move around everywhere, Amir managed to make my life a living hell. Amir: So why are you here Doobs? Doobs: I finally made it. Not for twenty minutes ago I have officially auditioned for a Broadway musical. Jake: Wow, did you book it? Doobs: We won't know for a couple of weeks, but they flat out told me, in the room: Nooo! Jake: So you do now right now. Why did you come here? Doobs: To tell Amir that I made it. Jake: As what? A failed actor? Amir: As someobody with the audacity and heart to go after what they love. Jake: wait, why are you taking his side now? Amir: cause he's got moxie. You know what moxie is? (Points towards his groin)This is moxie! Jake: That's your dick! Amir: I wish I had a fork and a knife to eat every single word I've ever spoken to you but instead all i have are this chopsticks... Jake: How? Amir:...so I'm just gonna eat the big words and eventually I'll shamefully ask for a spoon and scoop the small words into my mouth. Jake: Why are you so jealous of him? You have a good job. Amir Yeah but i don't have the nootsack to audition for a legit Broadway musical. Jake: You've auditioned for many musicals. Amir: Oh, Cats doesn't count. Jake: Penis, what did you auditioned for? Doobs: Cats! Amir: Mhh! That hurts. Jake: OK you know what? Maybe you guys don't hate each other because you are so different, but you, in fact, hate each other because you're actually really... Doobs and Amir: No! No! No! Jake: OK, alright...(Gets attacked by Doobs)