INTRO Amir - Hey, hey! I'm Jake and you're watching Jake and Amir. Jake - You're not Jake. Amir - Why not?? (Jake and David are having lunch) DAVID: All right, so I kick her in the mouth, and go 'here's the three dollars I owe you, the tooth fairy will give you fifteen, keep the change'. JAKE: Wow! That's awesome! DAVID: There is blood everywhere, her teeth were all over the desk. JAKE: Ha! Dude, ex-girlfriends are the worst! DAVID: Bro, the worst! Come here! JAKE: There you go. You're a good guy, David. Do you know that? DAVID: Hey, call me Dave. My friends call me Dave. JAKE: Cool. All right, yeah. DAVID: So I've got a question, guy to guy. JAKE: Uh-huh? DAVID: What's the- What's the deal with Amir? JAKE: Geez, man. He's so stupid. Why, what did he do to you? DAVID: No, I like him. I think he's really funny. JAKE: Me too. I like him. He's funny. We get along. Me and Amir like-- (Amir enters) AMIR: Sup? JAKE: Not too much, dude. Just finishing lunch with the new guy, Dave. (Amir sits next to David) DAVE: There he is. AMIR: Really? If you're eating lunch, then why is there no food on the table? JAKE: I said we finished eating lunch. AMIR: Finished eating lunch. OK, that makes sense then. (David laughs) DAVID: Classic. So good. AMIR: (confused) I'm classic. Yeah, I'm so good. DAVID: So funny. All right guys, got a question, guy to guy to guy. AMIR: To guy. JAKE: That's three guys he said-- AMIR: Three guys. DAVID: What's the deal with Sarah? JAKE: What do you mean? AMIR: Jake is in lov-- JAKE: Lottery school! Jake is in lottery school. I'm in lottery school. DAVID: As well as being in love with her? (Amir and David laugh) JAKE: (joins laughing) Yeah, I didn't cut him early enough, did I? Lottery school! DAVID: Yeah, I'm probably still going to go for her. JAKE: (laughs) . . . What? DAVID: Yeah, I mean if you haven't tapped it by now, it's probably never going to happen so, you know, I'm going to dive right in there. JAKE: Wow, you are-- DAVID: Eat that right up. (chuckles) JAKE: You're serious then? Cool. DAVID: Yeah. AMIR: Yeah. JAKE: So you're uh, you're just going to go for it. DAVID: I'll probably show her my motorcycle, let her ride that thing. Girls get wet for that stuff! AMIR: (laughing) You're thinking of a slip n' slide, but girl do get wet for that. DAVID: (chuckles) Slip 'n slide. That good! How do you not love him? (Sarah enters) SARAH: Hey, Dave. JAKE: HEY SARAH! SARAH: Uh, did you guys eat lunch? AMIR and JAKE: Yeah. DAVID: Nope. (tosses the bagel he was holding at Jake) SARAH: OK, do you want to go eat with me? DAVID: Uh, let me think about it. F**k yeah. (to Jake) Come here. JAKE: Fine, whatever. SARAH: All right, let's go! DAVID: Hey, Sarah. Got a question for you, guy to girl. SARAH: Yeah? DAVID: What do you think about motorcycles? SARAH: Oh my god, are you serious? (David and Sarah leave) AMIR: (chuckles) My boy is getting frenched TONIGHT! JAKE: Shut up! AMIR: How do you not love me? THE END. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA1-o0K3pg0