PREVIOUSLY ON JAKE AND AMIR...: AMIR: Remember how you told me to hire a dating coach to help me hit on girls better? JAKE: (sighs) No. BEN SCHWARTZ: (rolls in on chair and shakes hands with Amir) Amir Blumenfeld, how are you. BEN SCHWARTZ: That's your girl, ok? AMIR: Sure. AMIR: I've.. been, I've-- we were.. toge-together-- JAKE: -n with, secondly, were are you guys gonna go to lunch? Because thirdly, (slaps Amir on his shoulder) we're coming with. INTRO: DEEP DRAMATIC VOICE (SAM REICH): You are watching Jake and-- (coughs) AMIR: (clears throat) Amir. Whoa, that was weird. JAKE: Yeah. [Jake and Amir are standing outside Ricky's office, while Sarah and Hallie talk inside Ricky's office.] AMIR: I think I shouldn't be wearing a shirt, remember? JAKE: (sighs) I don't care, what you do, at all... BEN SCHWARTZ: (rolls in on office chair) Why are you wearing a shirt? You shouldn't be wearing a shirt. You should be peacocking all over the place. (Amir looks at Jake with disdain as he takes off his sweater.) BEN SCHWARTZ: So this is what we're gonna do, we'll lead off-- concentrate, we'll lead off with a joke. (to Jake) Do you know any funny jokes? JAKE: Guy walks into a bar, ouch. BEN SCHWARTZ: (laughs like a seal loudly, making Jake and Amir cover their ears and Sara and Hallie look at him strangely) HAHEAH! UEH UHUHUH! UUUEH!-- AMIR: Ah! What's that? BEN SCHWARTZ: That's the way I laugh. Not a big deal. When you get in there, you guys are gonna be like Raisin Bran over my aunt's ***s, ok? AMIR: I don't get that! Whenev-- BEN SCHWARTZ: Let's get in there and let's do it. Let's get in there and do that. (to Jake) We'll get you a dick, let's do it. JAKE: (to Ben Schwartz) Hey! (The three guys walk into Ricky's office.) AMIR: Ladies. SARAH: Amir, Jake. A word. (She gets up and leads them out of Ricky's office, shoving Amir.) BEN SCHWARTZ: (to Hallie) Is that seat taken? HALLIE: Um, kind of, yeah. BEN SCHWARTZ: Yeah, by me, probably. [Sarah is talking to Jake and Amir outside Ricky's office.] SARAH: You guys, seriously, how many times do I have to tell you not to talk to my sister? (to Jake) YOU had your chance; (to Amir) You left her in the middle of a park during your date! AMIR: (unbuttoning his shirt) Yeah, that was a weird thing. SARAH: What are you doing?! AMIR: Peacocking! One second! SARAH: Just leave that on, you guys are both disgusting, god. (walks back into Ricky's office.) [Ben Schwartz is trying to seduce Hallie, leaning towards her and talking while she leans away.] BEN SCHWARTZ: --let you be the princess of my-- AMIR: (to Ben Schwartz) Whoa! Amir. A word. [Amir and Ben Schwartz are talking outside Ricky's office.] AMIR: K, what the heck was that? BEN SCHWARTZ: First of all, you gotta pay me that $150,000 when this is done, ok? The other thing is I'm setting you up. [Jake, Sarah, and Hallie are sitting at the table in Ricky's office.] JAKE: So...-- SARAH: Don't! (Amir's voice can be heard from outside the room: --you being nice to her, and you just told me not to be--) JAKE: ...It's nice to see you. That's it. [Back to outside Ricky's office.] BEN SCHWARTZ: No, I was trying to be your fern to a s- a salad sandwich, you know what I mean? AMIR: Always, with the things I don't get, I don't know metaphors... BEN SCHWARTZ: Ok, fine, then what do you like? AMIR: Chicken nuggets, P.O.D., Freddy Got Fingered,-- BEN SCHWARTZ: Ok good, it was like P.O.D. was eating chicken nuggets-- (Amir immediately laughs, and Ben Schwartz joins in with his seal laugh.) BEN SCHWARTZ: Yeah, yeah, you got it? [Amir and Ben Schwartz are entering Ricky's office, by foot and rolling chair, respectively.] BEN SCHWARTZ: Jake, Sarah? A word? (Jake and Sarah reluctantly get up and leave.) [Amir is talking to Hallie inside Ricky's office, while Jake, Sarah, and Ben Schwartz listen and watch through the glass walls from outside.] AMIR: Hi, Hallie, hmhm (awkward laugh) Uh, everyone-- (the camera reveals that Amir is not wearing a shirt) --sorry, everyone is asking me to be one way, or.. another, and, I'm just-- I can't do that anymore, I just have to be honest with you. HALLIE: That's great, Amir. AMIR: I think you're a stupid ugly bitch, and I hate your shoes. (clenches his face and crosses his fingers in suspense, while Hallie looks away slowly) (Ben Schwartz crosses his fingers and gives a thumbs up from outside the room. Sarah grabs Amir's shirt that was on her head and tosses it aside.) AMIR: So do you wanna... What do you wanna do, do you wanna go on a date, or hug me, or.. how does that work out? (Hallie gets up and leaves.) AMIR: Some alone time. Totally cool. I need my space too. END.