AMIR: LOL, you know what I hate? JAKE: Parks, beaches, museums . . . AMIR: Paying at the pump. JAKE: (sigh) AMIR: And Americans are doing it in record numbers. JAKE: OK, do you even know what that means? AMIR: What? Like, instead of cash, you pay...you pump it, or whatever. JAKE: I don't know how Diana puts up with you. AMIR: Diana, your cousin and my fiance. JAKE: What?! You guys are getting married? AMIR: What?! What did she say to you? I'm not ready to be a dad! JAKE: She didn't say anything. You just said she was your fiance. AMIR: Oh! (laughs) I don't know what th-I don't know what that means. Anyway, she's coming over soon for our hot date, and we may look very tired so don't mention anything, just ignore us. JAKE: OK, I usually do. AMIR: OK, let me finish. We look tired because (high pitched) we were up all night. JAKE: Oh.My.God. AMIR: (singing) All night long. JAKE: Don't. AMIR: Jake. We were basically all night holding each other. I'm her cuddle buddy, it's stupid. JAKE: I guess that's better. AMIR: All right, now shut the fuck up, I think I hear her! Remember, just to recap, we're in love and I don't steal coins from other people's desks. JAKE: Fine. AMIR: They should call me Mario, I jack so many coin-o's. (Diana approaches) AMIR: That's no coin-o's, that's no coin-o's. JAKE: OK, now you need to shut up. AMIR: Debatable--oh-- DIANA: Hey. AMIR: Hey! My princess Diana, you're more alive than she'll ever be. (attempts to kiss her cheek) Still made contact, you saw that. JAKE: Yeah. AMIR: All right, I'm going to go get changed, you guys talk amongst yourselves. DIANA: OK. AMIR: (whispers to Jake) Be nice! (Amir runs off to back of shot, begins struggling to dress) DIANA: Jake. JAKE: Jesus. DIANA: I need you to break up with Amir for me. JAKE: What?? DIANA: He's crazy! I can't do it myself. AMIR: ...OWW!! DIANA: Did you know that he only eats Chicken McNuggets? JAKE: Yeah. DIANA: No, I mean, only eats Chicken McNuggets. Nothing else! Not even water. JAKE: I said 'Yeah'. DIANA: He came to my house this weekend. JAKE: OK, what's the big deal? DIANA: In California. How did he even get there?! JAKE: (sighs) I wish I knew. DIANA: He's putting on that penguin suit right now, isn't he? JAKE: I don't know. AMIR: Jake. JAKE: Look, I know he's weird, but look, Diana, you have to-you have to do this yourself, OK? He's sensitive. DIANA: I-I can't, I'm sorry, you have to do this for me, Jake. Thanks. Lunch this weekend? (she leaves) (Amir returns...quacking) AMIR: Where is she? (nervous chuckle) JAKE: Amir... AMIR: What happened? JAKE: I need to talk to you. AMIR: (puts on penguin hood) What about? TO BE CONTINUED. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlgEfa9rS_E