INTRO: JAKE: What's up? You're watching Jake and Amir. AMIR: HA now you're all like what's up! JAKE: What? AMIR: You're a joke, man. [Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks. Amir is typing on his laptop and laughing.) JAKE: Hey- dude! I'm not gonna ask you again. Stop responding to this email thread. AMIR: Oh, you're getting them? JAKE: Yes! We're getting them! Are you not getting them? Eleven people have replied and asked you to stop! AMIR: Stop what? We're having a good time! JAKE: Darren's fiance is in the hospital. AMIR: Okay... didn't know that. JAKE: How could you not know that, this entire thread has been about that. AMIR: That's not true, a lot of my emails are about other., stuff. JAKE: No! They're not, and they're really offensive! Like you said I got a gift idea: a new fiance, because his is broken. Does anybody have the number for the slut store? I left mine in Darren's dick LOL. What does that mean? AMIR: (pauses and holds his arms up like Jake doesn't get it) It doesn't mean anyth- it's a joke! It's a joke! JAKE: Is it? Is this one also a joke? I saw Darren's fiance eating a cockmeat sandwich last night. Need proof? See attached pic., with no picture attached. AMIR: Ok I followed up on that. JAKE: You did, five seconds later you said Sorry for the bogus attachment, y'all. Click here to see Darren's finance--spelled that wrong... AMIR: Auto-corrected. JAKE: It's not. You said Click here to see Darren's finance in all her glory holes., but there's no link. Five seconds later you follow up with a link to a random GeoCities page that says Under Construction. AMIR: Yeah, I started that in seventh grade. Gave up on it, right quick. (laughs) JAKE: Ok, well either way-- AMIR: You know I've been thinking about dusting it off, you know taking it out for a spin again, maybe turning it into like a webzine, or like a fanzine of sorts-- JAKE: For what? AMIR: (mocking Jake). For what?. Can I ask you a question, why do you never believe in me? JAKE: Focus. Alright this is the last thing I'll say, and it's not directly related to this specific thread, but you gotta change your email signature, man. AMIR: Why? JAKE: (The camera shows a shot of Amir's signature, which is ASCII art of a naked woman posing on her knees, with Amir written underneath.) It's porn. AMIR: It's art! JAKE: Barely. AMIR: Alright want me to teach you? The trick is to do Shift-2 when you want to draw a pussy. Now, let's talk about that fanzine for a sec. I'm gonna lobby you some ideas and you say Yes! if they're good, Totally!, if they're bad, and I love it! if you love it. JAKE: Ok so yes, totally, and I love it? AMIR: Yea. JAKE: Alright, so it sounds like you're just trying to protect yourself against negative feedback. AMIR: Yea I don't like negativity. JAKE: Really? You could've fooled me, cuz you just sent this email, five seconds ago, while we were talking, and it's Darren's fiance with a skull and crossbones Photoshopped above her head, and it says Rest In Pieces. AMIR: (Agitated) Ok you gotta believe me, man. I got a photo of her eating a cockmeat sandwich, I was just too afraid to send it out. I'll put it on the fanzine! END.