INTRO Amir - Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Catch Harold and Kumar 3D -- Jake - Oh, come on. Amir - --in theaters everywhere this Friday. What? (Amir and Jake are inside a coffee shop about to approach the counter) AMIR: It says employees must wash hands, OK? Employees. Last time I checked, I don't work here. JAKE: Yeah, I'm just saying it's a common courtesy and it's like hygienic so you should really do it. AMIR: (to barista) Hey, I will have two Jack and diets and what do you want? JAKE: Nothing. You know, I'm going to go home-- AMIR: (gibberish over Jake) I'll have two Jack and diets, a vodka cran and what do you want? JAKE: Chill out, OK? BARISTA: We don't serve alcohol. AMIR: What is this? Prohibition? OK, just give me a shot, you bitch. JAKE: Hey! Hey, wow, really quick to start offending people, right? Sorry, especially because you didn't even ask for a shot to begin with. AMIR: OK, get this. I walked in here with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in my face, OK? And you know I got sprung, so I wanted to pull up tight and-- JAKE: (to barista) Sorry. AMIR: --I noticed that, what? JAKE: I'm just going to have an iced coffee. Thank you. BARISTA: Sure. AMIR: By the way, the girl before us got two shots. Two. Don't think I didn't notice that. JAKE: OK, she got two shots of espresso. AMIR: OK. Whatever. I'll take it. Anything to take the edge off. JAKE: That's definitely going to put the edge on. You know, what are you even stressed about? AMIR: Taxes. JAKE: Do you owe them? AMIR: No, I just found out about them and it's kind of stressing me out. Do you guys know what's up? OK, Uncle Sam doesn't even put lube on before he fucks us-- BARISTA: So, you want two shots of espresso, one ice coffee. Do you want room? JAKE: Yes, please. AMIR: I'll take that too. Actually make mine a room with coke. It's got to be 9AM somewhere. JAKE: Yeah, it's 9AM here. AMIR: It's nickel beer night. BARISTA: We don't serve beer. AMIR: Will you be my girlfriend? BARISTA: Sorry guys, I have other customers. AMIR: OK, you know what? We can pay with cash, credit or break dancing. BARISTA: We're cash only. JAKE: He's going to break dance. AMIR: (hopping about) Here we go. (throws himself on floor, change clattering everywhere, trying his best to 'break dance') JAKE: (to barista, as Amir is still on the floor) Can I have your number? AMIR: Oh. (popping up by Jake again, holding neck) Ahh, OK, hey. Cash is fine, unless you like that. BARISTA: Cash is fine. AMIR: (to Jake) Do you have five dollars? THE END. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFYx5GTTElA